138. run to the hills

This week has been pretty crazy, I'm going to use the weekend to just rest in bed because after all that has happened this week, I feel like taking a break from city life and travelling. I just want to be surrounded by nature and take in some inspiration to draw once again.

Wednesday night was pretty random, Yuri and I were just chilling at a random spot somewhere in Shibuya behind Silkream, I was smoking and we were just talking about the usual, life, personal things and when we were just about to head back, a guy came up to us and asked us if we wanted to hang out at that instant. I was pretty hesitant at first but had fun later on while playing darts and drinking with the guys, so we decided to stay on since I also wanted to get my mind off things.

After that, they were singing karaoke, I'm not a big fan of karaoke because I'm too shy to sing and all the songs I know how to "sing" are all screamo music and difficult to sing. Of course when I'm with other guys, this one guy I've been thinking about lately decided to send me a message. I was just a little -___- about it, so I took a while to get back to him. Besides, I was out with other people so it wouldn't be nice to keep staring at my phone.

After karaoke, everyone was a little hungry, so we went to a sushi place just opposite the bar. I wasn't up for eating much because I haven't had appetite for days. I don't know why, maybe it's my mood that's been a little down lately but whenever I put anything into my stomach, I just feel like throwing up. So the guys were just talking, and when we were done eating, we went to another bar till about 5ish am. The guys we met that night were pretty chill and nice and actually, it was something I really needed, to just be out and not think of things. After that, I felt so much better about everything and my appetite is slowly coming back. So, I'm glad about everything that happened that night, even if it was so random.

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Yesterday was somewhat a good day. It's the beginning of summer and I can't stress how much I actually hate it but it beats being back in Singapore. I was a little late to go to my appointment to get my piercing. But thankfully I was a little late because when I arrived at Harajuku, I saw this guy I've been following on instagram for a little bit. We just walked pass each other, both staring at each other but I was a little happy, haha. Because he's cute but after that, I rushed to the piercing studio. 

Luckily, I arrived right on time and immediately got in to get my piercings. I got two helix piercings. I'm so happy I got them because I wanted them for a while now and couldn't get it earlier because I was sick. But yay, finally got them and they're so cute! Makes me happy when I look in the mirror and I see two rings hanging on the right side of my ear. :)

After that, I just went to get a light meal at Silkream and chilled at Tower Records after, waiting for Yuri to arrive. We went to get dinner around 8 and chilled a bit before heading to the bar because there was a drinking event. I don't know why we didn't think things through cos this time, we didn't have guys with us, it was just both of us and I don't dance or randomly talk to other people, so. We were both expecting it to be as bad as the first time we hung out all night last October. Luckily, it wasn't because they were playing good music and it was cute how Yuri was totally happy and dancing to the songs. 

Sorry Yuri, I have two left feet. >< Soon after, they kept giving us tequila shots and both of us were buzzed when random guys came up to talk to her. For some reason, I wasn't angry or pissed like the other times, my mood was pretty good, weirdly. But after drinking one too many shots mixed with gin tonics, I felt sick and ran to the bathroom. I threw up a lot. I don't know why I just kept taking the shots, normally I would just say no but I just took them -__- I think I drank 3 gin tonics, 2 vodka and 6 tequila shots. Fucking asking for murder. My head was pounding and spinning like crazyyyyy. I wasn't drunk, I could still think straight but fuck, I felt so ill.

Soon after, I headed back home first because I really wasn't feeling too good. I threw up again in the cab, luckily, there was a plastic bag there. I would feel bad if I threw up in there and the driver had to clean it. T__T The driver was really nice, he asked if I was alright and told me to please take care. Another thing checked off my list, it's so silly but I always wanted to get so fucked up till I pass out or throw up. So since I've done it, I don't have to anymore. Maybe that's why I'm not mad? lol 

Once I got home, I felt much better, took a warm shower and didn't fall asleep till about 7am.

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Today has been good so far, my appetite is picking up again and I think after this crazy city life this week, I would like to run to the hills for a week, next week. Since I still have my JR Pass, I was thinking of going around Japan again. I really want to go somewhere nice and quiet with lots of nature. I'll probably have to research and plan it nicely. Also, everyone is busy next week, so I think it's the perfect time to go.

Things have been rather crazy since I got back to Tokyo a month ago. A lot of things happened, the good and bad. My mood's been like a rollercoaster this whole time. I think it's good since I don't feel numb and actually feel alive. I'm just hoping things will get better because honestly, all I want is to be happy... happy with someone.

137. a boy

Kim Won Joong

Was looking through my inspiration tumblr last night and stumbled across this Korean model, which I thought fit perfectly as how I want to draw boys. His hair and face structure is so pretty in these photos. *___* Already sketching these as I type this.

136. picking up

Today was such a nice day. I decided to go down to Roppongi Hills because there was an exhibition I really wanted to see at Mori Arts Museum. It was really windy today, thankfully I decided to wear a long skirt, if not, pantsu~

While walking to Roppongi, I popped into a book store which I instantly fell in love with. There were a ton of art books and I spent quite some time there, looking through them, and also, photography books which had encyclopedias of flowers. I've been really into painting flowers since the beginning of this year because it relaxes me so much, but the books didn't have what I was looking for, so I skipped buying them. In the end, I bought an illustrative book by Japanese artist Kyotaro. I really loved the line work and there were some collages in there as well, I haven't done collages in years and would like to pick it up again.

Also, got a photography book "Mirai Chan" by Kotori Kawashima, where he photographs his daughter. I love the sense of wonder he captures, it made me feel very nostalgic about childhood and some of the compositions of the way he takes them captured something I really felt I miss from a long time ago.

Finally got my hands on Blind Willow, Sleeping Women by Haruki Murakami. I always wanted to read it because I have a very short attention span and this book was full of short stories, which is perfect for me. So, I'm really happy with what I bought today. Slowly made my way to Roppongi Hills where I stopped at the rooftop to look at some roses and peonies. I don't like flowers but I always look at them for inspiration, weirdly. I know I don't make any sense.

 These peonies were lovely though, and I love the little buds around them :3

After that, I went straight to Mori Art Museum to go to the exhibition, I'm not sure what's the title is because my Japanese is so limited but I only know the beginning words were "Kodomo" meaning children. The exhibition was nice, I really enjoyed the impressionism paintings by Claude Monet. It was nice to just unwind on my own again, looking at paintings. Didn't do much after that but went to Kitty Diamond to look at kittens because nothing makes me happier, haha. I can't wait to have a cat of my own. 

her paws are sooooooo pink <3

I was getting hungry, so I went down to Hamamatsucho to get some sushi and later on, headed to Starbucks. I swear, I really love Hamamatsucho. I always feel at peace there. Met up with Yuri not long after, we weren't planning on to, it was just we were both in the area, so why not? But I was glad to meet up with her because the last few times we met, I haven't been talking a lot because I was still getting over things but since I'm better today, I was glad to talk more. :)

We hung out till about 10.30ish and it was raining so hard. Parted ways and I'll be seeing her on Thursday again. It's still raining now as I write this, I always love it when it rains outside and you're in bed, feeling all cosy. Things have been going well lately, I'm able to paint again and I'm finally recovering from my flu! The only thing left is to finalise some plans, and go on a week exploring Japan before I really settle down and look for a job. 

The future right now looks much brighter than it did a few weeks ago and I'm so glad my mood's been getting better everyday.

135. love is an open door

Yesterday was such a lovely day despite the rain. I met up with Yuri to accompany her to get her tattoo in Harajuku. It wasn't difficult to find Three Tides Tattoo studio, it was just a little further up where we usually hang around. The tattoo place was small but I really liked the decors, seeing Yuri get her tattoo made me feel like getting one too. I was supposed to get my piercings by this week but since I'm sick, I decided not to. The tattoo didn't take long, and it was so pretty. So glad she decided to get one in Tokyo before going back to California.

After getting her tattoo, we walked down to Omohara, and to Tokyu Plaza. Both of us were so happy because they were playing Disney songs throughout the mall. There was a fair going on where they sold a ton of Disney stuff and on the rooftop, there were cute little garden decors for the Disney Princesses. I was so happy listening to Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid and weirdly, Frozen's Love Is An Open Door. The music just put both of us in such a good mood.

We decided to get udon for dinner, I love udon so... I was happy! After dinner we walked back to Tokyu Plaza and just chilled at Starbucks. It was so nice because we usually always do the same things and are too lazy to explore new places but since I've been back, we have been going to new places more often and actually found better and cheaper places to chill. After Starbucks, we migrated to Tower Records again. I swear, we're always there.

It was nice to not talk about old stuff but new things. Lately, I don't know what I've been feeling. Like I've already wrote about this in my previous entries. I feel like my emotions are all over the place. Even Yuri said I have been very off after coming back from Nagoya.  It's strange, but when I'm out I'm fine and with company, I'm happy but every night before I go to bed, I fall into a sadness so sweet, I feel like dying. I don't know how to explain it. It's probably why I want to be out so much more now and finding things to do, so I won't be coped up and feeling like this. I know it's not healthy and maybe I need a distraction to not feel this way. The only thing that I know would help is drawing, so I've been working on the piece I stopped a few months ago and it's coming out nicely.

Hopefully this piece would help me to heal a little bit more and not feel like this.

134. it takes more

◯ full circle ◯

With everything happening recently, I've come to the realisation that it's come to it. I've been going back to my roots lately, listening and re-falling in love with bands I used to hold onto so much when I was younger. But it kind of make sense that I took a break from that scene because of the things that happened then. Of course, right now I don't feel good at all about the things that happened lately but I'm sure it will all make sense in the future. I've been really stressed lately that I've fallen sick.

But... yesterday I went to Tower Records and got the new Taking Back Sunday "Happiness Is..." album. Their album title is kinda ironic for me, isn't it? I really love this album because whatever Adam Lazzara is singing about hits me so hard it's kinda terrifying but in a good way. I'm glad I can love all my old bands again and yes, I still love lynch.

now it takes more

more to feel like it used to

more to feel anything at all

every time you've got it figured out

you're just figuring out you're wrong

every time you get to where you're going 

you're wishing you were gone

it used to come so easily

133. strange stars

Yesterday was a good day - other than myself falling sick. I went back to Hamamatsucho and wandered around Zojoji Temple. I've always loved that place, something about it calms me and I still really love the little statues, always reminds me of that one time I went with this guy and he was being funny about it. I got hungry after walking around, so I went to the cafe next to the temple. Had a good meal, and doodled. 

I've never felt comfortable drawing in public, but yesterday I had fun doing it. Lately, I've been looking into "dark" arts again. I've been looking at  Michael Hussar's instagram a lot and am inspired once again. It's weird everytime something bad happens, I reverse and go back to where I used to be a couple of year ago. Maybe it's good to have fresh perspective again. Right now, I'm just doodling a lot, there's no one concept in my head yet, so I'll just let things be.

I hung around Hamamatsucho till about 8ish, migrating to Starbucks after my dinner. But... right now, I'm sick. Probably because of all the late nights and stress. Gonna stay in for the next couple of days till I get better.

132. para

Yesterday was a nice breakaway from the busy city of Tokyo, I head out to Mitaka to go to Ghibli Museum once again. The only reason why I went yet again was to watch the short film The Day I Bought A Star. It was  based on a story by Inoue Naohisa, who drew the world for Whisper of the Heart. I'm a huge fan of his work, so since I'm in Tokyo right now, I grabbed the chance to see this short film. I really liked the idea for the film and thought it was so cute and original. Being at Ghibli really allowed me to unwind and clear my head, I just needed some time alone to wander around. As I was writing in my own private journal, 

I just need to runaway for awhile

to clear my head

I just need a little time to heal

After being at the museum for about 2 hours, I went to check up on the Owl Cafe little sis and I had always wanted to go, (we went twice and it was closed), this time I was lucky because it was opened! There were falcons only though, they were cute but I couldn't get a good picture. Had some tea and sketched the falcons as I allowed the world to go by. Not long after, I headed back to Mitaka and went to get dinner at Shibuya and headed to Tower Records to read up on some music and art magazines. It was just so nice being alone after so long. I really needed it. Now I know what I want to do but I'm taking my time off for this week because of the mess that happened last week. 

I'll start afresh next week. Was thinking of getting my tongue pierced but might not because of work. I'm still thinking about it but we'll see how it all pans out next week. Tomorrow I'll be going out again on my own to unwind some more and think through things. I hope I can get my head straight by this week. I'm already half way there.

131. nagoya iii

Last week was kind of a mess that's why I hesitated writing about it but since it's already in the past, and I've moved on, I am able to also post the little photos I took while in Nagoya. This trip brought out the worst of people, both me and Yuri too but I'm glad we overcame everything together and are closer than ever. At the end of it, I still had fun to an extent and glad that the unexpected things happened. I'm also very over it, it seems so long ago even if it just was last week.

I still love lynch. the same, musically. But let's just say, they're tainted now and I only admire Hazuki, I always have. I will still go and see them but probably not as often. Now, moving onto bigger and better things...

130. kamakura iii & k-town

Last Friday I spent the entire day with Yuri in Kamakura. This was my third time going to there but I really don't mind it because I really do like Kamakura, only problem is it's really far from my place, it took about an hour and a half to get there, so I had to get up extra early since everything there closes at 4pm.

Was running a little late but met up with Yuri at Kamakura Station at about 11.30am, and the first place we went to was to see Daibutsu. I didn't care much for it because I've already seen but I was happy to accompany her. She was filming our day in Kamakura so I thought it was nice this time to watch a video instead of photos after photos. After taking somewhat, many photos of the Giant Buddha, we got ice-cream! I had the blueberry yogurt one and she got matcha! It was sooo goood.

I thought of going to the place little sis and I went the first time we ever got there, since it was nice and in the forest, up the mountain, so we just hopped onto a bus and god knows, we ended up in

Ofuna. Lost.

I felt bad because seriously my sense of direction that day was so bad but Yuri said it was okay and she actually thought it was funny we got lost. So, we ended up at a bus terminal at Ofuna and asked for directions back to Kamakura. We had to wait for another bus and get on the train back to Kamakura, I'm laughing at our silliness now as I write this.

We made it back to Kamakura and immediately went to Hokokuji Temple since there's where the bamboo grove is, this time, I decided to get the green tea because both me and little sis regretted not getting it the last time. Not going to let it happen again.

So we had to wait for a little bit for our matcha to be served, it was really nice sitting in the little place looking at the bamboo. I always liked how it looks kinda creepy but serene. If that makes any sense? Finally our matcha was ready and it was really nice, it also came along with two little candies shaped like the bamboo and the shrine logo. I was happy to finally get to try it since I always see it in anime. 

After our matcha, we hang out the temple taking photos and I was taking polaroids. We left Hokokuji at about 4.30pm and got on the bus back to the station, we were passing by another temple and asked Yuri if she wanted to see it because I remember it was really pretty as well. So we got off the bus, and went to the last temple for the day.

We didn't take too long at the last temple because we were both already getting hungry. We didn't eat anything other than the ice-cream earlier in the day.

After finishing up everything in Kamakura, we went to Hiyoshi to get some sushi! We just stayed there and talked for hours. Seriously, we have to stop talking so much, haha. I left Hiyoshi at about 10.30pm only to get back at 12 midnight because I missed the stop at Ikebukuro -__- Seriously, my sense of direction that day was so bad.

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Yesterday, I met up with Yuri again to run some errands for our Nagoya trip. We're already leaving tomorrow! We went to Ikebukuro first, then later on Shinjuku. I never really liked Shinjuku because it just looks dodgy to me but the part we went to yesterday was really nice and clean so I was happy.

After Shinjuku, we walked to Shin-Okubo because both of us were craving for Korean food. I really liked the place she brought me to since I haven't had Korean food like that before. Would definitely go again, it was a nice break from our usual Shibuya-Harajuku hang outs. After dinner, we walked around and got dessert at this frozen yogurt place. I really liked it as well because it was a nice place to chill plus, smoking is allowed!

Also, I haven't tried Korean style frozen yogurt so it was good. I had it with shaved ice and fruit, kinda big but still so good. Like I said, it was a nice change from the usual because instead we were listening to K-Pop (I only know a couple of songs, haha), but I didn't mind at all. We were just talking about how our lives have changed since last year. In just a short time, we kinda got everything we wanted but in strange ways and we're both working on it right now. Hopefully, at the end of it all we will both be happy. I honestly think anyone deserves to be happy unless.. well, let's not go there.

Already leaving for Nagoya tomorrow, so excited. I can't wait to see my favorite band again in three days! Hopefully I'll enjoy this concert, doubt it but still hopeful.