269. e.n.d.

Listening to Arctic Monkeys' AM really does bring me back to the summer of 2014. I can remember everything that happened so clearly in 2014 but 2015 was just a blur. So many things I want to forget and recover from, it's not an entirely bad year but I would say it was more bad than good. I'm only glad about the people I have met in 2015. I've met a lot of people and made a lot of friends.

Some of these friendships I really treasure and miss those who are not in Japan anymore.

This is my round up post of 2015 but when I think about it, there was nothing outstanding that happened this year. My favorite shows this year was probably Bloodaxe Osaka, In Hearts Wake and lynch.'s Yokohama show. Too many albums were released this year and I didn't bother listening to most of it.

I spent a lot of time going to exhibitions and I'm really happy about that because it let me re-see and rethink about my style of drawing. Sadly, my art has been lacking and I mean, LACKING a lot this year. I was only able to finish 1 painting. I will work harder next year and already am working on some new things right now.

I think this year has been the hardest for me in recent years. After mom was admitted to the hospital in July, everything changed. Those two weeks of going to the hospital every day and dealing with mom and all my relatives was very, very difficult. It was emotionally, mentally and physically draining. On some days, it was exceptionally difficult because mom would have hallucinations and started talking about all sorts of things that don't even exist which really scared me. I thought I was going to lose her. Until today when I think back to that period of time, I can't help but to cry. I was hugging her on the day I had to fly back to Tokyo and was just weeping on her. I really didn't want to leave her. I remember crying on most of my flight back to Tokyo. I try my hardest not to think about that period of time.

I've definitely grown up a lot from that and both little sis and I agreed that our thinking and mindset has changed a lot since then. It suddenly dawned on us that we are adults. We learn to cherish and appreciate more in life. I think most people don't know what it's like until something like that happens. You'll definitely have a different perspective in life. I remember after that, coming back to Tokyo and listening to all my friends' problems or even hearing myself complain about anything seemed so petty. My priorities in life changed. Love problems or getting cool points for knowing this person or that person seems really childish now.

2015 was also the year that I didn't celebrate anything. Even though I was back in Singapore and with my family, I didn't celebrate my birthday or even little sis's birthday. I arrived back in Singapore exactly on her birthday and she told me she would have been happy about it but because mom was in the hospital, why would you want to celebrate it?

Like I already mentioned in the previous post, I'm not really in a festive mood either. My Christmas was nice, quiet and peaceful with H though, he surprised me with a Christmas cake at exactly 12 midnight with a sparkler candle and said that I should make a wish because I didn't get to celebrate my birthday this year. We didn't do much but watched a movie, cuddled and sleep. I'm really glad he listened to me when I said I don't want to celebrate it. It's the same for New Year's I don't feel like going to a countdown or drinking till it's midnight. It'll be nicer if I could just stay in and watch a movie again. Alone or with H, I don't really mind.

Things seem to be picking up lately and I hope it stays that way. I don't think I can handle another emotional meltdown in such a short period of time since I just recovered from it. Talking about that, I also learnt that it's better to face your problems than to run away from them.  I feel much better now after dealing with it though it was an emotional meltdown for the first couple of days, now I feel much happier.

More than anything this year, I'm actually the happiest when I'm on my own. I just needed a lot of alone time this year to recover and heal from all the things that have happened.

2016 looks much brighter already and I really can't wait for it to be here. Just two more days.

Here, I leave you with my favorite song of the year :

surprise, it's not lynch. haha.

268. needle and thread

Lately, I have been noticing an increase of hand embroidery artists. I've been enjoying what these artists can illustrate with just a needle and thread, these are my favorite artists :

I stumbled upon Irem Yazici on instagram and instantly fell in love with her quirky pieces. She not only makes artwork but also does wearable hand embroidered art. Rings, coin purses, collars and brooches are just a few things she makes. 

Photos from her instagram @baobaphandmade or you can buy some of her little creations at baobaphandmade.etsy.com. 

I've been following Adipocere for months now, also an instant love at first sight when I saw his work. He's most known for sewing onto his skin. I wasn't that surprised when I found out that he's from Melbourne. I mean, Melbourne is actually kind of gloomy and that's why I love it.

His work is a total opposite of the first artist I mentioned in this post, his work is much darker and to me, it seems like he works around more occult imagery. I really enjoyed reading this interview. 

All images from adipocere.com.au and give him a follow @adipocere on instagram if you're into darker things like me.

----

I've been trying to get into my drawing mood because I really want to make some things and really, really start taking myself and my art more seriously. I also want to start making my own merchandise so I've been drawing up some simple designs, but it's been tough. I'm really not good at drawing simple things since I'm so used to detailed and intricate. 

I've really missed staying up till the sun rises and waking up when it's already dark outside. Watching films and finding inspiration through the night, pushing myself to do something different each time. Life right now is really quiet and peaceful and I'm enjoying it a lot.

The only person I've hung out with over the past week is H and I'm happy. I can't wait for 2016 to arrive.

267. behind the doors

Last weekend was spent hanging out with Laura and seeing friends. It was such an eventful week for the both of us, we were dealing with post-emotions. I don't know a better word for it.

On Saturday, I made my way down to Ikebukuro KINGSX to check out SikTh and met Yuuri in the live house. She was nice and introduced me to a bunch of her friends and a girl named Chie who could speak English really well after living abroad for a couple of years. The opening band was Harvest, who I've never heard of and I was just watching them on the small screen in the drinking area while talking to Yuuri's friends.

Once Harvest was finished with their set, we went into the stage area. It was so packed and hot, there were too many people. I found Laura before SikTh started their set and I tried watching a couple of songs. Since KINGSX has a low ceiling, I could barely see the band play. They sounded good, but I wish I could have seen the stage. Yuuri came out to perform with them halfway and I actually like the song she sang with them.

I left after a while since it was getting hard to breathe. Got myself a beer and waited for Laura. The show was over in about 45 minutes after Laura came out of the stage area, saying it was too hot and stuffy in there. We hung around the live house for a little bit, talked to the band and went to find Yuuri backstage before heading out.

The next day, I met up with Laura again in Shinjuku because she was going to leave Japan for 2 weeks. We just decided to chill and talk and catch up on everything that happened in the last week. We went to Shinjuku Anti-knock close to midnight to say hi to a couple of friends since they were having a show that day. They were all packing up their equipment by the time we got there. Didn't hang around for too long since I didn't want to miss my last train home. 

I also realised I hardly take photos... I should actually take more. It's not a habit of mine to take photos with friends unless they ask. 

I can't believe it's already Christmas. Soon, 2015 will end and I'm more than happy to welcome 2016 with open arms. Nothing exciting happened in 2015 for me other than learning Japanese and meeting and making a lot of new friends. It's safe to say I'm happy with my life here. 

2016 already looks promising. In two weeks, I'll be heading to Taiwan for a family vacation. In late February, my sister will be visiting me for two weeks! In Late March, Yuri will be back in Japan. In April, Steph will be visiting me. I also can't wait to go to shows next year, so far I've planned to see Crystal Lake and lynch. with baby sis, Between The Buried & Me because PALM is opening for them, Bullet For My Valentine and Blessthefall! Anything will be better than 2015 for me. 

266. divine ii

December 18th, Friday was Crystal Lake's The Sign tour final. I took my time to head to the venue since I already knew the schedule for that day. I bumped into Yuu at Ebisu Liquidroom and we went into the venue to check out MEANING for a little bit before I decided to head out, they're pretty decent live, just that I wasn't really feeling the music.

As expected, the drinks area was full of people. It was the same last year at Crystal Lake's Cubes final. I bumped into Hayato again and he introduced me to a girl and SikTh, a progressive metal band from England. The band was nice and I was mostly talking to one of the members about Australia. They invited me to their show the next day in Ikebukuro and I said I'll check them out. After the band left, I ended up talking to Yuuri and we exchanged contact information. Little that I know, she's also a singer who performs with bands sometimes.

I headed back inside the stage area to get a good spot for In Hearts Wake. They opened to Earthwalker again and it was almost the same setlist as Tuesday's show. Today's show was much better because of the special effects and crowd moshing. It was fun to watch Survival's moshpit. I was kind of sad when their set ended because I wasn't really that excited to see Crystal Lake that day since I already knew that they won't be playing my favorite songs.

soul-grabbing cleans on Wildflower

friendly circle pits on Survival

Crystal Lake didn't take too long to get on stage and they opened to Prometheus. I was bored with their set because they didn't play my favorites - Mahakala, Body Movin', not even Twisted fucking Fate. The only thing that made up for this lack of good songs was probably the special effects. I really liked Dreamcatcher's backdrop. Most of the songs had special guests, like Rollin', Matrix, Hades and on Sleep Awake, Jake (vocals for In Hearts Wake) and Yosh (vocals for Survive Said The Prophet), came out to perform. Everyone was in high spirits and the crowd was really good that day. Can't beat Osaka or 2014's Cubes final though.

still my favorite song off their new record, The Sign.

They were their usual, good - but not the best I've seen them. They shared some good news with the crowd, a new tour and touring in the States in 2016. I'm glad and proud of these guys, they've come a long way. I walked out when they were playing their last song, A Fire Inside. 

Ended up talking to some friends again before heading to the second floor. The drinks area was even more packed than it was before which made it even harder to breathe with everyone smoking. I bumped into Ivan before heading upstairs and we caught up for a bit. Upstairs, fate again brought me back to a person I once cared about but before I even realized it, a big accomplishment was made that day, a chapter of my life has come to a close, as a new one unfolds. I hung around the second floor talking to the band and some friends before deciding to head home.

Crystal Lake's tour finals for the past two years have been emotional for me. Sometimes, I really believe that everything is always linked to one another in a strange way. Life is strange.

It was an emotional day for me. I couldn't get to bed until 8am in the morning, too much going on in my mind.  There are a lot of things I've learned this year, and one of them is to learn how to let go. Only by letting go, you can only move forward in peace.

265. divine i

So much have happened over last week that my brain still can't process everything. A chapter of my life has come to a close, while another one is just beginning. Last week was made up of going to shows and friends and it was bittersweet. To think about it all and to sum it all in one post wouldn't be enough.

The beginning of last week was nothing but tiring, I had my final exams and I was so tired every day since I stay up late to study. It was my last paper on Tuesday thankfully, because In Hearts Wake's first headliner in Japan was happening that night. I celebrated with my friends that our semester was finally over for a little while before heading to the show in Shinjuku.

I walked in as FOAD was playing and met up with Laura and talked to the band for a little bit. Sailing Before The Wind was next and I enjoyed their set. I always see Bitoku around at all the shows so it nice to finally see his band play. I didn't bother much about the next band so I walked out to take a smoke. Bumped into Hayato, whom I haven't seen since August, on the way out, and he introduced me to his friend that just came back from Melbourne. Also was talking to Ryo while waiting for Victim of Deception to play. This guy is too popular, there was a small line of people waiting to take photos with him. =_=

I didn't really like Victim of Deception's set because they're a deathcore band, so I chilled outside again before heading back in. Once back in, I was just talking to Laura and Goodsound while waiting for In Hearts Wake to start. They opened to Earthwalker and immediately got me pumped. I have been listening to them for a while now (thanks to Laura), and really like their music so I was pretty excited to see them. I was really glad they played Healer and Survival, those are my favorites by them.

They're good live and have great energy on stage. Jake's vocals are stronger live than on the album, I really like Kyle's cleans. It's just the right about of whiny for me and I think his voice has this "soul grabbing" feel to it. Wildflower and Departures were probably the best of the night. Ryo (Crystal Lake vocalist), came out to perform Skydancer with In Hearts Wake. Ryo was right about In Hearts Wake, they are やばいすぎ.

After the show ended, I hung around to talk to the band and some friends before heading home. It was a nice way to end my finals, I choose to go to a show anytime over drinking. It always so nice and refreshing to watch a foreign band. Like I already said, as much as I love the local music scene here, in Japan, sometimes, I get sick of it too. It's a good thing there are many foreign acts always flying into Japan, so there will be breaks in between.

I thought I liked In Hearts Wake but after seeing them live, I like them way more. I was so glad this was not my only time seeing them, I still had Crystal Lake's tour final to watch them again which will be in the next post.

264. march on the darkness, lynch.

December 8th, 2015 was a Tuesday. Last Tuesday. I couldn't concentrate in class again because I was anxiously waiting for it to be over so I can go see, yeah you've guessed it, lynch. again.

So, once class ended, I slowly made my way to Kawasaki's Club Citta. It was my second time there, the first time I went was last year, to see Crossfaith. Tuesday's show was a two-man with MUCC. I've been wanting to go to this show for a while now. When they announced there was only Osaka and Fukuoka shows around August, I was pretty bummed out.

I'm not a big big fan of MUCC but I do enjoy their music sometimes and I know that they're really good live. I arrived at the venue at 6:30pm and they were still calling out numbers.

This was my first time in a long time going to see lynch. alone. It was nice actually, I kind of miss going to see them alone. Once I got into the venue, I went to look at the merch and to my surprise, lynch.'s manager and staff started talking to me. Their manager told me that they've seen me a couple of times at lynch.'s shows (duh) and they were asking me what music I listen to. We ended up talking about Ozzfest and Loudpark. 

Since it was a sold out show, it was pretty packed when I got into the arena. I squeezed my way to the front because I thought lynch. was playing first but MUCC played first. I didn't know what to do because I don't know MUCC songs well, but their fans are so energetic and fun, I decided to just stay in front. Plus, MUCC really put on a good show that day. I enjoyed their entire setlist, despite being pushed around in the crowd and not knowing any of their songs.

I was pretty impressed with so many of their fans crowd surfing. I got kicked in the face. According to my friend who is a big fan of MUCC, their setlist that day was really good. I enjoyed Media No Juusei the best because I liked how the bass sounds on that song.

Also, I really enjoyed MUCC's cover of MIRRORS with Hazuki. It's the first time in years that I was happy to see MIRRORS live. MUCC played for a little over an hour. 

MUCC setlist :

1. 我、有るベキ場所
2. 茫然自失
3. D.f.D. (Dreamer from Darkness)
4. 悲観的主義者
5. 商業
6. 死して塊
7. ２５時
8. メデイアの銃声
9. MIRRORS (lynch. cover) <3 feat. Hazuki 
10. Mr. Liar
11. 蘭ちゅ
12. ９月３日の刻印

lynch. didn't take too long to get on stage. Their setlist was pretty much the same as the last few times I saw them so... I was a little bored. Hey lynch, please change your setlist already!!!!! The only highlight of their set was playing from the end. I haven't seen them play that in a while. 

yay! the banner reappears!

lynch. fans for some reason were really dead again. This was pretty obvious because I could compare them with MUCC fans. Not many people were headbanging or moving around. I seriously don't know what happened to lynch. fans. Just last year, they were really a fun crowd but this year it seems like they have all their energy sucked out of them. It's either that or lynch. fans are just older (or gotten old like the band), I don't know. I hope to go to a lynch. show where the crowd is more fun again. 

It's safe to say that MUCC stole this show.

Much better than the one with sads back in September. lynch. covered MUCC's 大嫌い . I like how AK's bass sounded for the opening of the song. I don't know if I'm biased but oh well... This was the most fun part of lynch.'s set (no kidding). Tatsurou brought out a birthday cake for Hazuki since it was his birthday the next day.

lynch. played for a little over an hour as well and closed to EVOKE. 

lynch. Setlist :

1. D.A.R.K.
2. ATARES
3. GREED
4. I'm sick, b'cuz luv u.
5. GHOST
6. ILLUMINATI
7. from the end
8. COSMOS
9. INVINCIBLE
10. BEAST
11. 大嫌い (MUCC cover) feat. Tatsurou
12. INVADER
13. ALL THIS I'LL GIVE YOU
14. pulse_
15. EVOKE

All photos from barks.jp

There was an encore and both bands came on stage again, with both bands playing MUCC's Ender Ender and lynch.'s GALLOWS. That was the best version of GALLOWS honestly. I really enjoyed this show, not because of lynch., but because of MUCC. It was refreshing to see a different band again. It's been two years since I last saw MUCC. I always tell myself I should listen to them more, but I find myself falling back into my metalcore music.

I wanted to go home straight away but stayed on a little longer talking to lynch.'s staff again. The journery home took forever, I was dying because the train was so crowded and my legs were dying. This was definitely one of the better lynch. shows I've gone to this year. Thank god, I got my ticket at lynch.'s tour final. It was sold out just a few days after.

I was supposed to go to Club Citta again the next day to watch Crossfaith but I decided not to because of the distance and how tired I actually am. I wanted to see Unveil Raze but that can wait since they are having a two man with lynch. next year.

It seems like I'll still be seeing a lot of lynch. next year. I'm glad it's mostly two man shows. Crossfaith x lynch. and lynch. x Unveil Raze. Also!!! I'm excited I'm finally going to see lynch. with my little sister again. She wants to go to both their Tokyo and Osaka shows in March. I can't wait for that.

Again, I love my favourite band but...

please change your setlist.

263. sugar, spice & everything nice ii

Last Saturday, December 5th, I decided to bring my mom to Kichijoji because of the Momiji in Inokashira Park. She hasn't been to Kichijoji before either, so I thought it was a good idea to bring her since it's near my place.

We went to get curry for lunch and slowly walked to the park after that. There were an a street art fair and performances going on and mom seemed to have enjoyed herself. The park also wasn't too crowded which was nice, actually.

I always see this guy with his 8 cats walking around Harajuku and Shibuya, so I was surprised to see him in Kichijoji that day. Mom thought the cats were stuffed toys. We also stumbled upon a little cafe in the middle of the park. The coffee was alright, but I really liked their Autumn Latte, pretty sure it's maple flavoured.

Snufkin being the hipster he is, of course, drinks coffee.

We went for some window shopping once we got out of the park. I was waiting for the sun to set so that I can take her to see the winter illuminations in Sagamiko, not too far from my place. It didn't take too long by train to get to Sagamiko Station but from the station to the illuminations took about 30 minutes due to heavy traffic. 

It was crowded at the illumination place because it was a Saturday. Not too bad though, there was enough room to move around and take photos. It was really really cold there because it was up on a hill, near a forest. The name of the place kinda put me off, it's called Pleasure Forest. Kinda suggestive, don't you think? When I told mom she couldn't stop laughing. 

This year's theme is Great Britain. So there was a replica of Buckingham Palace,  and obligatorily, they were selling Fish and Chips. Mom and I were a little hungry so we ate before walking around. There was a Ferris Wheel and several rides. Honestly, I don't think anything I've seen so far is better than Nabano No Sato in Mie but this place is good because you don't have to go too out of your way. 

We took our time walking around and enjoying the sights and I took too many photos.

More photos after cut >> 

262. sugar, spice & everything nice

The last week was spent with my mom, her trip to Japan was really last minute and I hardly had time to prepare. It was just a phone call a couple of days before her arrival, my sister called and said " I booked a ticket for mummy to Japan because she misses you."

Last Tuesday on December 1st, I made my way to Narita to fetch my mom from the airport. I was really happy to see her even with such short notice. I thought she would never visit me in Japan again after her surgery so I was really glad to spend some time with her.

We took the bus back to my place, had dinner and went home. She really likes my apartment, she said it's much better than the last. The next day, we got up early and I brought her to ShiroHige's Creampuff Cafe. We went earlier in the year and she loved it, so I decided to bring her back (also because she's crazy for creampuffs).

We had an early lunch, mentaiko pasta with mushroom and lotus root and the little Totoros for dessert!

This time we shared chestnut, custard and raspberry with cream cheese.

After lunch, I bought a couple of Totoros for some of my classmates (okay, only for 4) and headed to class. I left my mom at Starbucks, I wanted her to roam around Shibuya on her own but since her head is still not so good, we decided it's best if she waits at just one place. Obviously, I rushed off to meet her after class.

We made our way to Aoyama under the rain. She really wanted to go to the Agnes.b store, it's also another of her favourite things to do in Tokyo. After shopping for a little bit, we went to A to Z Cafe for dinner. I haven't been there in a long time since I'm hardly in that area, I really do miss it. I haven't been to any cafes lately because of my busy schedule. 

After dinner, I was craving for coffee so we walked down to Roastery in Harajuku. I really miss Roastery as well because it's my favorite coffee place in Tokyo. Though, Shimokitazawa's Coffea Exlibris has the best coffee (to me), Roastery is my favorite place to chill plus the staff are really nice to me all the time. I brought H there for the first time the week before and I'm glad he likes it as well.

The rain lightened as the night progressed, so we decided to walk around Harajuku. 

My mom decided to stay in on Thursday since it was raining. She cooked dinner!!! You have no idea how happy I was, if there's any thing in the world I could eat forever is my mom's or dad's cooking. She cooked my favorite soup and chicken adobo with rice. It was good timing too, since I had a test the next day, I had time to study.

On Friday, we got up early and went to get sushi in Shibuya. The line was still long, we waited for about 45 minutes to get in. We both ordered their special December sushi set and scallops. 

After lunch, I rushed to class. My mom is slow now because she is still recovering from her surgery, so I have to hold her especially when she walks down the stairs. It does slow down everything we do. I don't mind honestly, it's just that when I have class, I have to literally run to school after I find a place where she can be for a couple of hours.

I fetched her from Starbucks after class and we went back to Shibuya for dinner. We both didn't know what to eat and I know she really wanted to go to Silkream so, we just decided to have dinner and dessert there.

After dinner, we walked to Parco for some shopping. I managed to find pants that actually suit me, I was so happy. Mom was looking for wallets and bags but didn't fancy anything. Later on, I brought her to Pablo because I wanted her to try their cheesecake. In the end, she probably bought too much souvenirs from Pablo and I had to carry all of them for the rest of the night. 

We didn't stay out to too late because mom gets tired really easily nowadays, so we left Shibuya at close to 9pm. She fell asleep so quickly once we reached home. 

If it wasn't for my mom visiting, I don't know when I'll go to my favorite cafes again. Lately, it seems like I always go to new places to eat but I'm actually the kind of person who always goes back to the same place. But then again, there's too many cafes in Tokyo to try out so... 

I've been even busier lately. I feel like December will just go by so quickly without me even realising and it'll be 2016. I don't even feel like Christmas is coming soon. I've never really liked Christmas that much anyway. Halloween over any other holiday. So much more to write, but so little time. 

The week before my mom came to visit, I met up with my darling H because he insisted that he wanted to see me. We went to the Snoopy Cafe in Tower Records one night, and the next day, he took me to a nice place for dinner since we haven't seen each other in a while. After dinner, we went to the skatepark in Harajuku because I really do like to watch him skate. This boy really does surprise me in too many ways. 

I'm happy which also shocks me because I was so set on painting and being on my own through the holidays. I'm really really really not in a festive mood this year. I might have to change plans now because of H but I'm not complaining. It would be nice to snuggle with someone on Christmas eve and countdown together. Maybe then, I'll hate Christmas a little less.