329. reset

art and text by Ines J.

It's already the last day of January. Taking a break from writing about my December to writing my year's resolutions. Now that my mind is more clear, I can think straight again. Being away from Tokyo always allows me to see the bigger picture. 

January has been a very busy and productive month for me. Both in my personal life and work. From the breakup to going back home to watch my favourite band, to coming back to Singapore and working my ass off and finally, we're still in the midst of Chinese New Year - So the last couple of days has been really tiring for me. I literally have no time for anything else except for the occasional hangout sessions with little sister on Saturdays and late night phone calls with the new person in my life.

I think it's good that I'm keeping myself busy. Even though I do have someone I really care about, I am still having a hard time forgetting H. I really hate it when people bring him up, because it just opens up those wounds again. No one wants to be reminded of their ex, no one. I for one am the type who wants to be left alone when a breakup happens. I just don't feel like talking to people because I want time on my own to heal, to listen to music, to draw, to paint. I'll drop off the face of the earth for a month or two and come back when I'm ready. I wish people would just learn to leave me the fuck alone. 

On a not so angry note, here are my resolutions for 2017 :

1. Spend less time with people who don't help me grow

This may come off harsh, but I'm at the point of my life now that I just want to be surrounded with positivity and people who will help me grow personally and creatively.  I really want to concentrate on work and do something worthwhile in my life. I can't keep taking care of people. 

For the last couple of years, I have been taking care of everyone around me and I'm exhausted. Especially now when I've finally found something I want to pursue that needs most of my time and attention, I have no time to care about anything else. I don't want to waste time on things that don't matter. I'm actually really glad I have found someone who would take care of me.

2. sanatoriium

I want to put in my all to sanatoriium this year. Sometimes, I think my all is still not enough, I really want to give everything to sanatoriium until I burn out. Some new things are already on the way. 

3. Don't take anything/everything personally

I have learnt a lot about people in the last year. Not everyone is going to help you even though you have helped them. I would say I have been disappointed by people over and over again in my life but more so in 2016. I always try my best to help people but it always backfires or people just take it for granted. I have been in so many relationships that the other person keeps taking and I don't get anything in return. I don't expect anything in return either but I realise now that I am actually really exhausted from being too nice to people. 

I used to get hurt in the past but I've learned the hard way that it's easier to just let it go and move on. I don't have time to dwell on people who are not worth my time.

4. Have a normal sleep schedule

I have always had this problem. I really do enjoy the night, how quiet and peaceful it really is. I usually draw inspiration during the night too and it's where I get more work done but what I really don't enjoy is that my mind gets messed up and it's hard to meet anyone or go to places when my sleep schedule is so fucked up. Also - it's easier to fall into depression when you're nocturnal.

A miracle happened in December when my sleeping schedule completely changed for the better and I was up at 10 every morning making breakfast and leaving the house in the afternoon for tea. I finally got to go to places I've been wanting to check out for ages. I was not in a crappy mood when I met up with my friends. My mind just felt healthier. 

 Maybe I would still stay up on some nights but I want to keep it to the minimum.

5. Seoul for Tattoos

I still plan to get more tattoos this year but probably not as many as last year. I plan to go to Seoul in the later half of the year for my tattoos. 

6. Listen to even more music

After seeing letlive. earlier this month in Melbourne, it made me realise how much I actually miss going to shows that meant something to me. 

Living in Tokyo is fun because I get to see my favourite Japanese bands often but it also kills the excitement because I get to see them that often. Going to (insert band name) show really don't mean a thing to me anymore. Recently, I have been losing interest in my Japanese bands as well because I am really getting sick of the scene. Not going to elaborate why but knowing too much is never a good thing. 

I want to start listening to more international bands again and hopefully find the time and money to go back to Melbourne whenever there's a good tour ( Like Underoath, Alexisonfire that I sadly had to miss) or if bands I ACTUALLY like come to Asia. 

That sums up my resolutions for 2017. It's completely different from last year because it's more related to my work but I feel that the change is good. 

I only have a little over a week left in Singapore before heading back to Tokyo, so I'm going to try to finish up my blog posts. I am actually dying to post my Melbourne one because that trip was important to me and helped me grow in so many ways. I think I am going to be busy once I get back to Tokyo too. I have plans to be in Nagoya for a week or two in March. My parents are also visiting Tokyo that same month, I still have to plan out so many things before I leave again.

It's only the start of 2017 but I think this year is going to be a crazy one for me.

328. light is a place, nagoya

December 26th/27th, 2016

Yuri came out to Tokyo on boxing day. We were going on a short trip to Nagoya, Nara and Kyoto so we figured it'll be good she came over the day earlier because we were going to set out to Nagoya early the next day.

We set out at about 11 am the next day to Nagoya, I was just in Nagoya the month before so I wasn't too excited but I was excited to go to Nabana No Sato again after three years. We arrived in Nagoya at about 2 in the afternoon, dumped our tiny luggage at the Airbnb apartment and went out for late lunch.

We made our way to Sakae and went to a cafe Yuri's friend recommended. Even though we have been to Nagoya a couple of times together, we've never really explored Nagoya because we always end up hanging out with our friends too late, so we get up only when it's dark.

We finally got to see Nagoya a little more this time. I really liked the cafe, Maison YWE her friend recommended. I'll definitely be going there again since I'll be heading to Nagoya more often from now on. I'm pretty excited to go cafe hunting over there too.

Finally a picture of Sakae in the day!

yes we eat done by Chalkboy!

We both ordered the Aichi special. 

The cafe also had some good desserts and coffee. There was also a little clothing boutique just downstairs and a few clothing stores around the area. Also, a Village Vanguard next to the cafe. We chilled a bit before heading to Oasis 21.

It was really windy and cold up there, so we didn't want to stay for too long. We just took photos and left for Nabana No Sato.

*Nabana No Sato* after cut >>

327. maps, yeah yeah yeahs

Wait, they don't love you like I love you.

For H.

326. i know places

December 19th ~ 24th, 2016

After my tattoo appointment with Greem, I decided to spend some time on my own. I made my way to Harajuku and then walked to Aoyama because I was craving Cafe Kitsune's lattes. I used to like tea more (years ago) but because I spend too much time with little sis, I've become a coffee person.

I walked around Aoyama, window shopping is honestly one of the rare things that are free and makes me happy in life. BUT, I ended up buying some clothes and a (much needed) scarf. Also stumbled upon the Comme Des Garcons store and an art fair. Lucky!

There was an art fair going on in one of the buildings in Aoyama, I can't really remember the name of the building now but the fair was pretty huge. I finally found the artist that collaborated with Moomin almost 2 years ago. So, I bought a cute earring at the Fillyjonk limited pop-up store and couldn't be happier. I really like their rings too but it looked more like couple rings, maybe in the future.

There was a huge exhibition space,  from sculptures to paintings to installations. I spent quite some time there checking out the art and found some sculptures that I really like. After about what seems like forever, I finally went for dinner and made my way home.

I had some company for the next couple of days as someone I really care about came out to Tokyo. I finally was able to go to Chai Break, a cafe I always wanted to try in Kichijoji. Their french toasts are sooooo goooood and I don't even like french toast. Their menu is kind of pricey but I say it's worth it. They're best known for their chai, after having chai from here, I don't want chai anywhere else.

I had the Christmas special white chocolate chai and baked apple french toast.

I also managed to finally watch Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them that same night. Believe it or not, I have never been on a movie date, so it was nice to finally be able to.

I went to colour and cut my hair the next day. I was really craving for parfait, so I brought him to Silkream. I always bring people I like to Silkream. Even though he doesn't really have a sweet tooth, I'm glad he liked the cafe and parfait. Although he said it's really 女ぽい, he didn't mind at all because it made me happy. 

His name is 悪いことくん by Takashi Murakami.

I think I am going to keep grey hair for a long while. Lately, I just don't want colour in my life. Although I really did like my purple hair, I think that part of me already have died somewhere. The next day, the both of us decided to stay home. I was happy we did because that evening's sunset was so pretty, I was glad to share it with him. 

I've never seen the sky so pink. There were also fireworks that night, we watched them from my window.

Like I mentioned in my last post, December was quite chaotic for me. My emotions were going crazy because of so many things. I can't count the number of times I was so confused. I just feel so relieved now that everything has settled down. I think I'm much happier now. 

I remember talking to one of my friends that timing is everything. It really is.

325. the plague doctor

December 19th, 2016

I was lucky enough to get my last tattoo for the year by Greem. I met her back in October while I was getting tattoos from Hugo when both of them were invited to be guest artists at Traditions Tattoo Collective in Singapore. I decided to get a tattoo from her this time because I really liked her vibe when I met her and the longer I look at her work on Instagram, the more I became a fan.

I made my way to Heavyweight Tattoo Studio which is located in Nakano at noon since my appointment was at 1. I bumped into Hugo and Greem on the way to the studio and talked to them for a little bit before going into the studio. Both of them were surprised to see me again and Hugo asked about the tattoos he did if they have healed nicely and all that. It was actually really nice to see the both of them again.

It didn't take too long for Greem to set up her stuff and started tattooing me. This time, because of the placement of my tattoo, it really did hurt a lot. Also, I think I bled more than usual because of how much I drink in Japan (almost every day actually, haha). It took about just an hour and 30 minutes to get it done.

I decided to get a plague doctor from her because I thought her style really suited what I envisioned in my mind. Normally, I will get two tattoos from an artist but this time, I couldn't think of anything to match my plague doctor just yet, and also since I have been getting tattoos as of late, I haven't saved up enough to get yet another one.

The more I look at this piece, the more I like it. I put in a lot of thought into my tattoos so I'm happy with how this one turned out. I talked to her for a little bit before leaving the studio and decided to take a photo with her and Hugo since it was our second time meeting. (I normally don't take photos with people). I really like both of their vibes. It's important to me that I don't get tattoos from assholes.

Actually, I think I might see the both of them this year because they're going to guest spot again in Singapore. I plan to get another one from Greem on my other arm to match my plague doctor. Meeting artists always make me happy. Also seriously, I crush on girls harder than guys *__* 

After my tattoo, I went to walk around Aoyama and chilled for a bit before heading home. My December was really quite chaotic and if I remember correctly, this was one of the rare days that I actually had time to myself. 

I really enjoy spending time on my own, so days like this are important to me. I can't wait to collect more tattoos this year too. I plan to go to Korea towards the later part of the year to get them. There are a couple of tattoo artists I really admire in Korea right now and if I save up enough, I hope I can get my tattoos by this year or next. *fingers crossed*

324. alive in the lights, chichibu

December 2nd ~ 4th, 2016

I travelled out to Chichibu over the weekend to attend the 秩父夜祭り (Chichibu Night Festival) that happens once every year in the beginning of winter. Since Yuri lives near Chichibu, we decided months in advance to go together. I've always wanted to go to a festival because believe it or not, I have not been to any festival even though I have been living in Japan for 3 years.

The Chichibu Night Festival is also considered one of Japan's top three festivals that feature floats, so it's something definitely worth checking out.

I made my way out to Chichibu on the 2nd, the day before the festival. Yuri came to pick me up at the station and we went to get dinner. It was already late when we were done eating, so we didn't do much but headed back to her place for the night.

The next day, we woke up in the early afternoon and went out to get lunch. We decided it was better to take the train to Chichibu station to avoid the traffic later that night when the festival was over. We got to the festival in the evening. There was already a float in front of the station when we arrived. It wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be.

After a while, we went to get some food. There were so many food stalls, so it was pretty hard to decide what to get. As we waited for Yuri's friend, Shayla, to arrive, a float was already passing by, so we tried to get some photos. It was really hard to take photos honestly, everyone was pushing and shuffling their way just to get a good photo.

I was amazed at the attention spent on the details of the float. Also, people sitting on top of it?! How?

Shayla arrived not long after that and we accompanied her to get food and walked to the other side of the festival together. The number of food stalls was never ending, we ate some more as we went to look for the other floats.

There were also fireworks that were going on throughout the night, even when we were on our way back to Yuri's place at around 10 pm, we could still see fireworks from the windows of the train.

We decided to go to the supermarket before heading back. Even though we ate a lot at the festival, we figured we'd be hungry when we get back because of the cold. So, we decided to make Nabe.

We spent the rest of the night at Yuri's place eating some more and drinking. It was really fun because I got drunk by drinking my alcohol too fast, haha. We finally passed out at 5 am.

On the last day, I felt bad for getting up too late. I caught a cold from the day before and wasn't feeling too well. We decided to get pizza for dinner, it was about a 20-minute drive away. The smell of pines was so refreshing when we got out of the car. Things like that are so difficult to come by because I have been living in the city for my whole life.

The pizza place was really cute owned by an elderly couple. It was difficult to take photos since it was already dark outside. They had a nice old stove and the restaurant was located in the house that looked like something out of a Ghibli film. I can't remember what we ordered anymore, but the pizza was probably the best thin crust pizza I have had in Japan yet. I really hate Domino's in Japan. The pesto sauce was sooooo goood. Sauce does wonders to food.

We still had some time to spare before my train back to Tokyo, so we went to the supermarket again and got some ice-cream, went back to Yuri's place for a bit before driving out to Chichibu Station.

I got on the train at 9pm and even though it was a long train ride, I enjoyed it. I always need time to unwind after a crazy weekend. I was greeted by the rain when I got back to Tachikawa and H was waiting for me at the station with an umbrella. He knew I was sick, so he made udon for me when we got home. 

-----

It's so strange to think that H was still in my life just a month ago. I do miss him sometimes but I know we're better off not being together for now, at least. I hope he is doing better without me. We didn't have a bad break up and we plan to stay friends but now is just not the right time.

Living in Japan has really let me experience so much, I don't know how long more I plan to stay in Japan but for up until now, I'm really grateful for everything that has happened in my life. The good, and even the bad. I still don't know what 2017 has in store for me but I'll just take things one baby step at a time.

I'm slowly healing.

323. twenty-seventeen

The last couple of weeks has been overwhelming.

And here we are, already in 2017. I plan to finish up my posts fo 2016 because there are so many things I still want to write about, I think I will take a while because I'm going to be busy again for the next couple of weeks. So now, I just want to reflect on 2016.

Reading back on my resolutions for 2016, I'm actually proud that I managed to accomplish them all.

Travel.
I managed to visit new places in Japan in 2016. I got to go to Hyogo, Fukuoka and Nara and also visit Osaka, Kyoto and Nagoya again. I wanted to visit a new country and was lucky to travel to Taiwan with my family at the beginning of the year. I definitely want to go to Taiwan again. I even got to go back home to Melbourne to celebrate my birthday.

Drawing/Art.
I pushed myself a lot this year to break out of my usual style. Even though I really love my girls, I just needed to do something different. I'm really happy with the outcome and even started my own clothing line. I plan to give my clothing line 100% in 2017. I do miss my girls a lot so I will draw them from time to time.

Tattoos.
I managed to get not one, not two not three but four new tattoos in 2016. I'm really happy with all of them and glad to have met the tattoo artists. Meeting artists always inspire me and give me an extra push I need.

Practice Japanese More.
Even though I am still not as fluent as I wish I am, I'm pretty satisfied with how much I have improved. I can hang out with friends now without having awkward silences because I can just have a normal conversation. Also, I'm so happy I can finally talk to friends who I couldn't in the past. *pats self on back*

Learn New Recipes.
I'm always cooking at home so it's natural for me to want to cook something different from time to time.  I can make spaghetti, chicken cream pasta, beef stroganoff and spinach pasta now. I can also cook kimchi stir fry beef which is actually my favourite when I get bored of Japanese food.

There were so many ups and downs for me in 2016.

I learned a lot about life and about myself.

I learned to not take everything so personally and to expect the unexpected.

Even though I have been really productive and my work is heading in the right direction, my personal life has taken a toll. I've felt it for months now that my relationship with H was going to end. Even if we still love each other, sometimes, love is just not enough. We want different things in a relationship, so we decided to go our separate ways. Even though we are not together anymore, one of my happiest memories is still with him.

At that moment, when he held my hand while I was watching my favourite band and to see him smiling back at me, made me realise how much he loved me and that love does exist. I have been jaded for so long, I didn't believe that I could feel that happy ever again. So, really, thank you. Even though, we can't be together anymore, just know that a part of me will always love you.

My relationship with H was one I thought I always wanted but we both have changed so much from when we first met that it was impossible to continue to be together. I guess that's just life. People change, feelings change. The only thing that is constant in life is change. And maybe that's what we both need right now.

Until recently, I learnt that I always underestimate myself. With work, with the way I look, everything. I guess it is good to know that I'm not an obnoxious over-confident bitch but I really shouldn't beat myself down too much. I have a bad habit of doing that. I thank my friends for always believing in me and remind me that I'm not as bad as I think I am.

I thank everyone who has stuck by me in 2016, truly.

I have no resolutions for 2017 honestly because my mind is still all over the place. And I think I actually intended to write more but my mind just... Maybe I would write a resolution list when I'm more settled down. All I know is that I want to work really hard this year and feel proud of myself. Till the next post...