142. oblivion, lynch.

Tonight was my 9th time seeing lynch.

I was so reluctant and dreading to go to see them, but everyone kept pushing me to. And I'm glad they all did because seeing them tonight made me feel so much better. Before that, I had so much unsettled feelings about them, their music, what I felt about them, are they still my favorite band? You could only imagine, too much cocked up emotions just because of the stuff that happened in Nagoya last month.

But tonight, everything was settled. When the Introduction was being played, I had goosebumps and felt happy all over again. I just thought how much my life has changed since the last time I saw them. Their setlist was the same as the one I went to in Nagoya other than the encore. I was really enjoying myself singing along to all these familiar songs. I enjoyed myself way more than I did the previous times. INVINCIBLE is still fucking amazing live, seriously my favorite live song.

I was happy they played OBLIVION again. My favorite song from their new album. When they were playing ENVY and RING, I was just thinking how I listened to those songs because I thought of getting over someone. In that moment, it hit me, I still love them, they still kept me company through some of my hard times. I can't explain to you how much this band means to me, though I did go a little too far off with them, but now, I still love them like any other fan would.

When they played MIRRORS, I remembered how I fell in love with them. It was that video that made me go crazy for this band. I got a little teary eyed because also, if it wasn't for lynch., I wouldn't be this happy and have someone in my life. Though I am not sure how things would work out with this guy, but I'm just happy he is in my life.

I was swaying to melt when they played their encore. I was so happy they closed to A GLEAM IN EYE. I love that song so much. Also, it was kinda fitting because I don't know when I'm going to see them again but I am looking forward to it.

As I'm sitting in bed writing this, I can't be more content and at peace with life. Today was such a good day, the first person I talked to when I woke up was him and I have this band back in my life. I can't start with how happy I am listening to them once again, as how it should always be. I feel complete, after so many years of searching.

141. ewe

This week has been a rollercoaster of emotions and it's already Sunday. I'm surprised I'm happy, but so thankful. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday was spent with Yuri. I'm happy I get to spend so much time with her before she goes back to California. I can't imagine being in Tokyo without her, but everyone has their own lives to lead.

Thursday, we spent the whole night out at Hamamtsucho migrating from parks to parks, just talking about everything. It was really nice though at the end of it, I was really tired but I didn't fucking sleep till 9am because I ended up talking to someone when I got home. Actually when I think about it, even with the crazy things that have been happening since I have been back in Japan, I'm really happy with life. I'm so used to feeling numb for the past 5 years, this is the first time I've been able to feel so much for a long period of time.

I can only hope things continue to pick up for me. I noticed, I only write a lot in this blog when I'm here in Japan. Goes to show how much I enjoy life here. There's still some stuff I need to figure out because I do want to stay here for a long time and I haven't had the time to look for a job, and I have to be back in Singapore for a bit in the beginning of July. So when I'm back again, I would have to start doing something about it.

140. oh sucker!

That was a joke between me and a guy I used to care a lot some time back, he would call Osaka oh sucker, so lame but it made me laugh so much at that time. Actually, still makes me laugh now.

Today I woke up extra early and made my way down to Osaka. I was up for some shopping today since I was in Kyoto for the past two days looking at shrines and being surrounded by nature. I arrived in Osaka sometime in the early afternoon and to my surprise, it was really sunny. I thought it would be raining heavily because it was in Tokyo, Nagoya and Kyoto. But it was good so, I don't have to carry an umbrella around.

I got lost once I dropped off Namba Station, somehow, I walked and walked following google maps and got lost somewhere near Amerikamura and the little streets nearby reminded me of Harajuku. I really liked it, and there were some cool shops. I went window shopping and eventually stumbled upon this cool vintage shop that sold really old toys, from Disney to Marvel to DC and even The Smurfs. Even if I'm not a huge collector of toys, I really love looking at vintage toys. Plus, they had some cool displays.

After that, I just roamed around Amerikamura and bought a nice skirt for summer from American Apparel. Amerikamura is kinda small, so I finished it quickly and slowly walked to Dotonburi. Even if there are so many shops in Dotonburi, I really wasn't interested in anything, so I went to look for some stuff for the family and went to chill at Starbucks for a little bit. Recently, I've really been enjoying reading again, and I didn't realize I already spent an hour on reading over there and decided to continue walking.

I don't know why, but I didn't have any idea where I was heading, I just walked and walked to the end of the shopping street and turned and found Tower Records. So, obviously without a thought, I just went. This Tower Records was kinda small with only two stories. I was on the first floor trying to find the rock section and once I found it, it was somewhere towards the corner near an escalator. I was just looking at Her Name In Blood's album and at that moment I turned, the guy that has been on my mind a lot lately came down from the escalator. 

I went up and talked to him because he sent me a message telling me to talk to him last week, lol. It was funny because he could recognise me immediately and we just started talking from there. We were all over the place but talked a lot. I kept telling him it was weird that I bumped into him again (third time but different city), and he kept laughing. He has such a dorky laugh, it's so cute. He told me he followed me on Instagram because he liked my art and he's really bad at drawing, haha. Then, I asked him if he likes art and he says he does, so I told him to practice more and he'll be fine, with a ganbatte ne! And he was saying ganbarimasu~ Soon after, we exchanged contact info and he was telling me the rest of his band and their manager was upstairs. I told him I wanted to go up anyways to look at some CDs, but he decided to come with me to introduce me to his band. 

I was texting Yuri while on the escalator up and he was just staring at me, it was kinda funny. Once upstairs, his manager and the guitarist of the band were there, so he was telling them how I saw them once in Shibuya and him another time in Harajuku, and they were like "eh???!!" Because it's funny right, again but in a different city, what are the odds? Soon after, the bassist of his band came and said hi as well, I thought he could speak English well because he writes it so well on his Instagram feed but fuck no, he said he can understand it perfectly but had problems with pronouncing words. I told him to practice more and it'll be okay. We were just talking for a bit and after that, they were telling me they had to do some promotional stuff for their new album, so I told them it was nice meeting them again and I'll just go look at the things I actually wanted to. Soon after, they went downstairs, and I was just looking at the metal section.

When I came down, I saw him again, listening to music but didn't want to bother him so I just left. I was just thinking, if one of us did something different, we probably wouldn't meet again. I find life so strange, just one thing could change your life so drastically. But I'm happy with how things turned out today. I didn't do much after that, but get dinner and took the train back to Tokyo. 

I honestly thought this week wouldn't be as good as last week but it's actually better. I'm really happy with things lately even with all the rollercoaster emotions. Every week has been crazy for me since I've been back in Japan and I can only say, I feel alive.

139. oblivion

I took a train down to the outskirts of Kyoto today. It was pretty warm but bearable, I arrived at Saga-Arashiyama at about 2 in the afternoon and immediately went to get the train tickets to see Hozu-gawa. Lately - streams, lakes and rivers have been on my mind a lot, that's why I really wanted to go somewhere far away from the city. It was a nice break away.

Since I still had an hour to spare, I walked down to the temples and found the bamboo grove. I just love bamboo groves, there's something about them that's really peaceful and even if my mom says they invite spirits, I don't really care. Also, there were cemeteries next to the grove, which made me feel calm for some strange reason. I always loved the idea of death and maybe, death itself. To die would be an awfully big adventure, me thinks.

Some things on the way to the bamboo grove...

Soon, it was time to board the train, so I walked back to the station and was pretty excited for it. The train ride was about half an hour, mostly travelling along Hozu River, which was really nice because it went up the mountain, and it was a little chilly towards the end of the ride. I also loved the colour of the water. Looking at the river was something I really needed, just to remind myself that there's always somewhere to escape to, all I need to do is look.

I bought a round trip ticket because I had no idea where I was going to be at the end of the ride, so I got to look at the river again. Wish I could have dropped and actually go down to it but it looked dangerous if I did, haha.  After getting off the train, I walked back to where the temples were and decided to go in the opposite direction which led me to Togetsukyo Bridge. It was nice because you could see the mountains far away, and also way lesser people, so it was pretty quiet. 

After walking around the bridge area and resting for a while, I was starting to get hungry, so I walked back to where the temples were because there were lots of restaurants over at the other side. I settled for udon, not really settling since udon is my favorite thing in the world. lol I ordered a set, they gave cold udon with dipping sauce with duck and scallions (I haven't had duck in forever so I was happy), some rice mixed with mushrooms (yay again because mushrooms), some pickled vegetables and tofu. I was so full after my meal but was still craving something sweet. I walked down, and stumbled upon a soft cream stand, so I got four flavours mixed into one! Cinnamon, chocolate, matcha and vanilla! I didn't know but that was where the other entrance to the bamboo grove was, so I went in again and decided to go to the shrines in there.

After roaming around at the shrines, I wandered around some more, and since it was getting dark, I decided to head back to Kyoto Station. It wasn't hard to, just that since it was peak hour, it was very crowded. I had difficulty breathing on the train -.- Once at Kyoto Station, I was looking at the bento sets but ended up only getting small sushi because I was still stuffed from the udon. Caught the train at about 6.30ish and only got back to Tokyo at 9pm T__T Reason why I get so lazy to travel but I'll still do it.

The funny thing about today was, the number of people asking me why I was alone. One guy even called me "Hime" (princess) to ask why I was alone, I was like o__O It's weird right? When a guy travels alone, no one asks why but when a girl travels alone, people think it's strange. Of course if I had a choice, I wouldn't travel alone but since I don't really have a choice and really really wanted to go to faraway from the city, I had to. Besides, travelling alone is nice sometimes. I admit, it gets a little lonely but I do feel a sense of accomplishment when I write down my adventures. But of course, no one can be alone for too long.

There was so much stuff on my mind on the way back though, I hate it when that happens. Just when you think you are perfectly fine, then these thoughts creep in just to remind yourself that you're actually not. I wish things were easier for me but at this moment, they just aren't and I'm going to travel more to not think about it.

The sunset on the way back