148. limbo

I've finally found some places that I like in Singapore, it's a fucking miracle! Little sis's work place is located in a really nice quiet neighborhood and I really do enjoy it. Though there is a chokehold of hipsters, I can easily ignore people. 

The last week was spent back in Sunny Singapore with the family. Little sis has finally graduated from University and I'm so proud of her. Being back here made me realise some things, this place that I can never call my home, is actually a safe place for me - or what I like to call it, limbo. 

I know for sure if I stay here for too long, I can never be happy but I won't get hurt as much or at all. All I feel when I'm here is numb. Sometimes, it's better to when there's a series of unfortunate events and I just need to heal, this place is perfect for it. I don't know how to deal with all the things that have been happening lately because it just doesn't make sense in my head. I'm not so much as mad at him, it's more like I'm mad at the situation and what the fuck is the world trying to do to me. 

I'll be heading back to Japan in a few hours, it's strange but even with the mess right now, I know I am happier there. I know I should stay away from guys but it seems like it's impossible. Things just keep popping up and I can't do anything about it. I don't know what to think anymore, at one point I was so sure of what I want, who I want, but right now, all I have in my head is  "So... what now?"

I know one thing is for sure, and that one thing that I always and will always want is happiness.