art and text by Ines J.
It's already the last day of January. Taking a break from writing about my December to writing my year's resolutions. Now that my mind is more clear, I can think straight again. Being away from Tokyo always allows me to see the bigger picture.
January has been a very busy and productive month for me. Both in my personal life and work. From the breakup to going back home to watch my favourite band, to coming back to Singapore and working my ass off and finally, we're still in the midst of Chinese New Year - So the last couple of days has been really tiring for me. I literally have no time for anything else except for the occasional hangout sessions with little sister on Saturdays and late night phone calls with the new person in my life.
I think it's good that I'm keeping myself busy. Even though I do have someone I really care about, I am still having a hard time forgetting H. I really hate it when people bring him up, because it just opens up those wounds again. No one wants to be reminded of their ex, no one. I for one am the type who wants to be left alone when a breakup happens. I just don't feel like talking to people because I want time on my own to heal, to listen to music, to draw, to paint. I'll drop off the face of the earth for a month or two and come back when I'm ready. I wish people would just learn to leave me the fuck alone.
On a not so angry note, here are my resolutions for 2017 :
1. Spend less time with people who don't help me grow
This may come off harsh, but I'm at the point of my life now that I just want to be surrounded with positivity and people who will help me grow personally and creatively. I really want to concentrate on work and do something worthwhile in my life. I can't keep taking care of people.
For the last couple of years, I have been taking care of everyone around me and I'm exhausted. Especially now when I've finally found something I want to pursue that needs most of my time and attention, I have no time to care about anything else. I don't want to waste time on things that don't matter. I'm actually really glad I have found someone who would take care of me.
2. sanatoriium
I want to put in my all to sanatoriium this year. Sometimes, I think my all is still not enough, I really want to give everything to sanatoriium until I burn out. Some new things are already on the way.
3. Don't take anything/everything personally
I have learnt a lot about people in the last year. Not everyone is going to help you even though you have helped them. I would say I have been disappointed by people over and over again in my life but more so in 2016. I always try my best to help people but it always backfires or people just take it for granted. I have been in so many relationships that the other person keeps taking and I don't get anything in return. I don't expect anything in return either but I realise now that I am actually really exhausted from being too nice to people.
I used to get hurt in the past but I've learned the hard way that it's easier to just let it go and move on. I don't have time to dwell on people who are not worth my time.
4. Have a normal sleep schedule
I have always had this problem. I really do enjoy the night, how quiet and peaceful it really is. I usually draw inspiration during the night too and it's where I get more work done but what I really don't enjoy is that my mind gets messed up and it's hard to meet anyone or go to places when my sleep schedule is so fucked up. Also - it's easier to fall into depression when you're nocturnal.
A miracle happened in December when my sleeping schedule completely changed for the better and I was up at 10 every morning making breakfast and leaving the house in the afternoon for tea. I finally got to go to places I've been wanting to check out for ages. I was not in a crappy mood when I met up with my friends. My mind just felt healthier.
Maybe I would still stay up on some nights but I want to keep it to the minimum.
5. Seoul for Tattoos
I still plan to get more tattoos this year but probably not as many as last year. I plan to go to Seoul in the later half of the year for my tattoos.
6. Listen to even more music
After seeing letlive. earlier this month in Melbourne, it made me realise how much I actually miss going to shows that meant something to me.
Living in Tokyo is fun because I get to see my favourite Japanese bands often but it also kills the excitement because I get to see them that often. Going to (insert band name) show really don't mean a thing to me anymore. Recently, I have been losing interest in my Japanese bands as well because I am really getting sick of the scene. Not going to elaborate why but knowing too much is never a good thing.
I want to start listening to more international bands again and hopefully find the time and money to go back to Melbourne whenever there's a good tour ( Like Underoath, Alexisonfire that I sadly had to miss) or if bands I ACTUALLY like come to Asia.
That sums up my resolutions for 2017. It's completely different from last year because it's more related to my work but I feel that the change is good.
I only have a little over a week left in Singapore before heading back to Tokyo, so I'm going to try to finish up my blog posts. I am actually dying to post my Melbourne one because that trip was important to me and helped me grow in so many ways. I think I am going to be busy once I get back to Tokyo too. I have plans to be in Nagoya for a week or two in March. My parents are also visiting Tokyo that same month, I still have to plan out so many things before I leave again.
It's only the start of 2017 but I think this year is going to be a crazy one for me.
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