341. twenty eight

For the last couple of years or maybe even more, my birthday was that one day of the year that I absolutely dreaded. I feel like, I'm always disappointed the most on my birthday so I stopped hoping. I sound so dramatic and pessimistic but the number of times I've been disappointed on this actual day really got to me. Especially spending my birthday at the hospital 2 years ago really made me believe that my birthdays were cursed.

But this year, I finally got what I have always wished for. I don't ask for much, all I want is to spend my birthday with someone I love or to see my favorite band. I got them both this year and it felt like a dream. I remember poking my boyfriend and said " you're here, you're really here! " and he just stared at me and thought I was weird and said I seem happy. Well, I was. Maybe a little too happy.

It was already decided months ago that I'll fly out to Sapporo to celebrate my birthday, so I left for Sapporo on Monday. I didn't do anything much on Monday but just eat because it was raining so heavily.

At midnight, he surprised me with a small gift and was playing the guitar in our room, singing to me while I was drinking my beer, almost drunk. From the start of 18th July, it already felt like a dream maybe I was too tired from not sleeping the night before that everything seemed a little hazy or maybe because I just couldn't believe I had everything I wanted and it was only 1 in the morning. 

We woke up early the next day to get some breakfast at a cute cafe and went to get some good coffee nearby. The coffee at Baristart Coffee was so good because of the milk. The both of us chose their specialty milk and went back to the venue.

He was worried I was bored because he had work to do that day, but I was genuinely happy just being with him. I was talking to one of his friends about introducing to me new music but it seems like we have exactly the same taste. So all the bands he was telling me, I already knew. We were also deciding the playlist for BGM, I added some Royal Blood and Northlane. 

The second part of my birthday only began at 7 pm, which was to see my favorite band - lynch. This time, I got to stand in the front, so I was really happy to see them play. I think I haven't been standing in the front at their shows for more than a year now. So, it felt new again. Today's setlist was pretty good. I was just happy they didn't play songs I didn't like, IE : LIGHTNING, UNELMA etc.

2017.07.18 札幌 KRAPS HALL GUILLOTINE

A post shared by lynch. 葉月 (@lynch_hazuki) on Jul 18, 2017 at 5:41am PDT

Every time Hazuki says "Bye Bye" in GUILOTTINE makes me laugh, since 3 years ago? I really love KALEIDO live so much because of the extra ending bits they added to the song. The encore was so nice today because it was all my favorite songs: EVILLY, VANISH, INVADER, A GLEAM IN EYE.

After the show, we went to get soup curry but it was only the two of us because everyone else, actually also including him, doesn't like spicy food. He just went with me since it was my birthday. We went to drink for a little bit before getting back to our room.

We didn't have to get up early the next day since check out was at 12, so we went for lunch and he drove to the mountains nearby for the view before I headed to the airport to get back to Tokyo. The weather that day was perfect, I wished I could have stayed longer but I had some plans in Tokyo already. He drove me to the airport which made it harder to leave because we won't see each other until August. I have a love-hate relationship with airports almost everywhere I go.

I think it was the first time in a long time that I've felt this happy. Especially for my birthday. The both of us were probably too happy because we put on weight in just three days in Sapporo. But, this was probably the best birthday I have had in the last decade, so thank you to everyone for spending it with me, especially him. I can't wait to see him in August now.

August has always been my favorite month since a decade ago because that was when I found myself and I can't believe it is 10 years later and I am still looking forward to August.

340. sleep paralysis

I'm heading back to Tokyo tonight already and I still haven't written anything worthwhile in the last two months, now I'm starting to believe some of my drafts will never see the light of day.

I've been busy for the last two weeks meeting friends, spending time with the fam and getting some work done. If there is anything worthwhile to write about, it's definitely gotta be about my tattoos.

On Monday, 3rd July, I had an appointment with Nadi for a tattoo. I was planning to go to Seoul at the end of the year but it looks like I don't have to anymore. Nadi was a guest artist at Bada Bink Tattoo in Singapore for just a couple of days last week. So I decided to get some work done by her when I saw her post on Instagram.

I wanted to get something related to sleep paralysis because I have been having it for almost a decade now. Sleep paralysis is not dangerous but it affected me a lot when I was going through depression. It happened almost every night and I didn't want to sleep because of it. My art and work revolves mostly around my dreams, nightmares and especially that place I call in between sleep and awake.

I had a consultation with Nadi first and she drew some designs for about an hour and we started after everything was nicely set up. The reference pictures she chose for me were really spot on and suit my taste really well. Little sis was surprised as well, haha.

We started talking more after she saw my other tattoos by Greem and Hugo. We shared horror stories which were pretty funny. This tattoo hurt A LOT since it is on my inner arm, probably my most painful one yet. We ended the session at close to 5pm. Chilled for a little bit with Nadi before heading for dinner, she was really sweet and easy to talk to. I gave her a set of my stickers and she said I should consider being a tattoo artist as well because my work will look nice as tattoos. She was really encouraging, so it felt really nice. I'm always happy to meet artists and it makes me much much much happier when they like my work too.

Again, female tattoo artists are *__* I'm always in awe. 

Also, I really love my tattoo by her.

I really love how she designed it so that you can look at it vertically and horizontally. It looks better horizontally to me. The hands grabbing the girl's legs are my favorite part of the tattoo. I wanted some red thread kinda linking the girl and the "sleep paralysis demon", so that explains the red on this piece.

If anything, I feel more inspired. I've been drawing a lot more lately but it's mostly not up to my standard, I think my mind is kind of burnt out after drawing 5 designs in a go. But I won't stop. 

As usual, I  wanted to get two tattoos but I'm saving that for the future. (and also when I can think of something else). 

--------

Can't believe two months just flew by like that. Even though I was really productive, I also felt like I didn't do anything at the same time. I'm happy to be heading back to Tokyo tonight but at the same time, I'm so lazy to get on that plane.

I just have to tell myself I get to see the person I love and everyone I care about when I get back to Tokyo. I can't wait to go on tour too, but first, the show in Saitama on Tuesday has got me really excited. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my favorite band.

I guess I will be writing from Tokyo once again on the next post. 

x

339. a break a pause

I used up most of my time in May getting work done and sending my designs to the printers. Pretty pleased with how productive I can be when I really concentrate. So, now I am just waiting on my stuff to be made and arrive. It's nice to take a little break from drawing sometimes so now I am just doing that. I started painting again just to relax. I am almost sure I will start doing up designs again once I see my merch.

Lately, I have been really into more soothing sounds and I don't crave metal or heavy music that much. I like to think that it's because I am not angry anymore that's why I don't have the need to drown things out. Or maybe I am just getting older? But anyways, things have been really peaceful lately and I like it this way.  Once I get back to Tokyo next month, my "quiet chaos" of a schedule will begin again. 

I still have some writing to do for sanatoriium.com and make new listings of my new merchandise. I don't have stock right now so I am pushing it until next week to do all the online stuff. Since I have more time now, hopefully, I can update this blog on what I have been doing for the last couple of months. I have all these photos on my laptop and phone that I just want to dump somewhere to remind myself to explore new places.

More exciting things to come after the convention as well!

I can't wait to tour next month and August. I really can't. wait.

can't wait to see my love again.

338. i'm not dead yet

(source unknown)

3 months is probably the longest time that I have not updated this blog. The last few months has been a "quiet" chaos for me. Why I say "quiet" is because even though my schedule was pretty packed and I'm always running off to Nagoya whenever I have the chance to, it has been a peaceful kind of chaos if I even make sense.

It has been pretty hard for me to come to terms with myself because other than ending relationships early in the year, I have been fighting my own demons as well. I know I am not the best I can be but I'm still working on it and want to be a better person to the people I have in my life right now.

A few new exciting things are in the works. My schedule from now till October is already packed and I'm really looking forward to all of it. I'll be working hard for the next two months because I am setting up an exhibition booth in September at the Singapore Toy, Games and Comics Convention with fellow artist and friend, Sarah Thursday. I'm pretty excited and nervous at the same time. I'll be flying out to Hokkaido in July to celebrate my birthday with my favorite band in the world, in August I'll be touring around Japan again - Osaka, Nagoya, and probably a few more places. I'm also planning some photo shoots along the way. Still contemplating if I should go back to Australia in September for AFI because they only come to this part of the world once every 4 years.

Speaking of bands, one of my favorite bands, letlive. has decided to call it quits. I was really devasted when I found out from Jason's announcement on Instagram. Even though I have not been a fan of letlive. for a long time, they really did help me put back faith I once had in music. I'm so glad and relieved I decided to fly back home in January to see them twice. I was just in utter shock on the day I found out because it was so sudden. It is really difficult for me to love a band so much like that, so I'm really bummed out. I try to tell myself "Hey, at least you saw them before this happened." I was drawing out a lot of inspiration from them so, yes, I am pretty upset about them disbanding.

I don't know if I will continue writing on this blog because there are so many things in my life now that I will like to keep private. So maybe instead, I'll just be posting photos of my life with no captions and only write about things I'm obsessing about.

Lately, I just don't have the energy and time to write detailed blog entries anymore. To top it off, I have another blog on my website, sanatoriium.com  to work on as well. I refuse to let this blog die because I have so many memories here but let's just see how well I can keep up. Meanwhile, Copper Colored Quiet by letlive. has been on repeat a lot.

My world is on fire 
And I've got nowhere to watch it burn
No one to admire
How well I disappear

Don't call me a liar
We'll cross the bridges I meant to burn
You reek of desire
That's why there's no one here

There's no one here to watch me as I fall asleep
They assassinate the ones who dream
And if I got it all, I got it for you

337. achievement unlocked

It's the last day of February.

February was as busy as January for me, or maybe even more so. Before coming back to Tokyo, I was busy meeting friends, spending time with my family and doing some last minute orders for my label.

I'm still not done writing about January and it's already March tomorrow. I have some things planned out for March already and I'm pretty excited but I'm not excited about Spring approaching. At all. Last year, I had a really bad case of hay fever and I'm sure I'll be suffering again. I've already got my allergy medicine all stocked up at home, just in case.

I spent almost two weeks in Nagoya in February. I didn't intend to be there for such a long period of time and initially planned to spend my Valentine's Day in Tokyo but my love couldn't finish his work on time, so I made my way to Nagoya. I came back to Tokyo and went over almost immediately again because there was a death in his circle of friends and I just wanted to be there for him.

Even though I was really busy, I still managed to fit in some time to watch some films. It's my way of relaxing and taking my mind off things. I'll probably write about my new obsessions if I find the time ( I doubt so).

Achievement Unlocked!

I FINALLY OPENED MY WEBSITE AND ONLINE STORE.

http://sanatoriium.com

I was really stressed up towards the opening of my website and was lacking on sleep but I feel so accomplished that it's finally up and running. I just want to thank my friends who modelled for me and supported me all this time. I'll be blogging about my work and photoshoots there from now on and I plan to keep this blog personal, I still don't plan to give out this blog address but for everyone that has been reading, thank you.

I have new shirts printing right now and can't wait to go on photo shoots and meeting new people again. New designs and other plans are also on the way, I really plan to work hard on my label this year and hopefully find time to write more often.