342. kept

It has been a week since tour ended, last Friday was the final show for lynch.'s THE SINNER STRIKES BACK tour. This tour was a lot of fun, probably the most I have ever had on any tour. Two weeks ago, I was in Osaka and Nagoya as well for the semi-final shows. I found some time in between shows to travel a bit and went to Kyoto, Kobe, Toyota, Toyohashi, and Shizuoka. My first for most places, I didn't really plan out a schedule but since the boyfriend drives, he suggested some places during his off days.

The ending of the tour was bittersweet. I got so used to seeing my favorite band so often, it felt a little strange that I won't be able to see them for a bit again. This new release is actually my favorite out of all their releases in the last 3 years. I don't know if it's the memories attached to it now or if it's just a good EP. But for sure, KALEIDO definitely brought back some old feelings for this band. It's a song that I can listen to all night, there hasn't been any lynch. song in the last couple of years that has made me feel that way.

I was really happy in Osaka because I got to meet some friends, Kyoko and Toshi. I don't see PALM that often anymore because my life has changed quite a bit, so I try to see them whenever I get the chance to. I really want to see them live soon. I was glad to see Kyoko again because we had more time to talk and it seems like we have a lot in common other than our birthday.

I hope to write more but I haven't found the time. I'm just summarizing my thoughts now so that I don't forget how happy and content I currently am. You know that feeling when you're so happy that you just feel like dancing all the time? Yeah, that's me. And I don't dance. Like. Ever.

There were so many good things on this tour. So many firsts. I think my favorite show was actually on my birthday because like I mentioned in the last post, I finally finally finally (yes, I repeated it 3 times for emphasis) got to see my favorite band and person I love the most on my special day. I think being away from Tokyo helped too honestly. Sapporo was fun despite the rain. Thank you for choosing the show to be on my birthday.

Also, on this tour, I got to talk about my work and discuss some possible plans in future. I'm happy that the people I like, like my work too. If I could help them in any way, I am more than happy to.

I was talking to the boyfriend and said: "Lately, life feels like a dream." He asked me " Have you found your happiness?" I smiled and said, " I think I have found it." It's funny that he asked that question because the only one that has ever told me to "Find my happiness" is my mom, and she always said " No matter with who, no matter where you are, as long as you are happy, that is all that matters." I don't want to go all mushy but I really love this person.

You know for once in my life, I finally am starting to believe in myself a little bit more and that I deserve happiness. It took me so long to find someone that believes in me as much as I believe in him. I have always had unsupportive boyfriends who throw my art on the ground, who don't appreciate my art, who tell me I am not good enough, who make me feel inferior to them, who stop me from meeting people but this one is so supportive, even his friends support me. I'm so grateful to finally have people like this in my life. Not to forget my friends and everyone else who has believed in me from the beginning even before I got together with this person. I'm eternally grateful.

sanatoriium is... honestly the only thing in my life I believe in.

Because of it, I get to meet and hang out with people that I've always wanted. It even led me to my love. I'm really content with the current photo shoots, I had one last Sunday and another next week. Next month, I'll have the convention then I'll be on a family vacation then it'll be back to work.

This tour has actually given me a lot of inspiration, so I hope I can draw something good. My schedule lately is really jam packed, so I haven't had the time to sit down and really think things through. I guess I had too much fun on the tour that I got sick. I've been staying home for the last two days to recover and do some work but from tomorrow, it'll be packed again until I come back from Bali next month.

I just realized how little time I spend in Tokyo now. It's crazy. When I come back in fall, I won't be spending that much time in Tokyo again but I'm really looking forward to spending Halloween in Nagoya with my love.

Till then...

(I still hope I can find the time to blog... and I seriously need to blog for my website. Save me.)

341. twenty eight

For the last couple of years or maybe even more, my birthday was that one day of the year that I absolutely dreaded. I feel like, I'm always disappointed the most on my birthday so I stopped hoping. I sound so dramatic and pessimistic but the number of times I've been disappointed on this actual day really got to me. Especially spending my birthday at the hospital 2 years ago really made me believe that my birthdays were cursed.

But this year, I finally got what I have always wished for. I don't ask for much, all I want is to spend my birthday with someone I love or to see my favorite band. I got them both this year and it felt like a dream. I remember poking my boyfriend and said " you're here, you're really here! " and he just stared at me and thought I was weird and said I seem happy. Well, I was. Maybe a little too happy.

It was already decided months ago that I'll fly out to Sapporo to celebrate my birthday, so I left for Sapporo on Monday. I didn't do anything much on Monday but just eat because it was raining so heavily.

At midnight, he surprised me with a small gift and was playing the guitar in our room, singing to me while I was drinking my beer, almost drunk. From the start of 18th July, it already felt like a dream maybe I was too tired from not sleeping the night before that everything seemed a little hazy or maybe because I just couldn't believe I had everything I wanted and it was only 1 in the morning. 

We woke up early the next day to get some breakfast at a cute cafe and went to get some good coffee nearby. The coffee at Baristart Coffee was so good because of the milk. The both of us chose their specialty milk and went back to the venue.

He was worried I was bored because he had work to do that day, but I was genuinely happy just being with him. I was talking to one of his friends about introducing to me new music but it seems like we have exactly the same taste. So all the bands he was telling me, I already knew. We were also deciding the playlist for BGM, I added some Royal Blood and Northlane. 

The second part of my birthday only began at 7 pm, which was to see my favorite band - lynch. This time, I got to stand in the front, so I was really happy to see them play. I think I haven't been standing in the front at their shows for more than a year now. So, it felt new again. Today's setlist was pretty good. I was just happy they didn't play songs I didn't like, IE : LIGHTNING, UNELMA etc.

2017.07.18 札幌 KRAPS HALL GUILLOTINE

A post shared by lynch. 葉月 (@lynch_hazuki) on Jul 18, 2017 at 5:41am PDT

Every time Hazuki says "Bye Bye" in GUILOTTINE makes me laugh, since 3 years ago? I really love KALEIDO live so much because of the extra ending bits they added to the song. The encore was so nice today because it was all my favorite songs: EVILLY, VANISH, INVADER, A GLEAM IN EYE.

After the show, we went to get soup curry but it was only the two of us because everyone else, actually also including him, doesn't like spicy food. He just went with me since it was my birthday. We went to drink for a little bit before getting back to our room.

We didn't have to get up early the next day since check out was at 12, so we went for lunch and he drove to the mountains nearby for the view before I headed to the airport to get back to Tokyo. The weather that day was perfect, I wished I could have stayed longer but I had some plans in Tokyo already. He drove me to the airport which made it harder to leave because we won't see each other until August. I have a love-hate relationship with airports almost everywhere I go.

I think it was the first time in a long time that I've felt this happy. Especially for my birthday. The both of us were probably too happy because we put on weight in just three days in Sapporo. But, this was probably the best birthday I have had in the last decade, so thank you to everyone for spending it with me, especially him. I can't wait to see him in August now.

August has always been my favorite month since a decade ago because that was when I found myself and I can't believe it is 10 years later and I am still looking forward to August.

340. sleep paralysis

I'm heading back to Tokyo tonight already and I still haven't written anything worthwhile in the last two months, now I'm starting to believe some of my drafts will never see the light of day.

I've been busy for the last two weeks meeting friends, spending time with the fam and getting some work done. If there is anything worthwhile to write about, it's definitely gotta be about my tattoos.

On Monday, 3rd July, I had an appointment with Nadi for a tattoo. I was planning to go to Seoul at the end of the year but it looks like I don't have to anymore. Nadi was a guest artist at Bada Bink Tattoo in Singapore for just a couple of days last week. So I decided to get some work done by her when I saw her post on Instagram.

I wanted to get something related to sleep paralysis because I have been having it for almost a decade now. Sleep paralysis is not dangerous but it affected me a lot when I was going through depression. It happened almost every night and I didn't want to sleep because of it. My art and work revolves mostly around my dreams, nightmares and especially that place I call in between sleep and awake.

I had a consultation with Nadi first and she drew some designs for about an hour and we started after everything was nicely set up. The reference pictures she chose for me were really spot on and suit my taste really well. Little sis was surprised as well, haha.

We started talking more after she saw my other tattoos by Greem and Hugo. We shared horror stories which were pretty funny. This tattoo hurt A LOT since it is on my inner arm, probably my most painful one yet. We ended the session at close to 5pm. Chilled for a little bit with Nadi before heading for dinner, she was really sweet and easy to talk to. I gave her a set of my stickers and she said I should consider being a tattoo artist as well because my work will look nice as tattoos. She was really encouraging, so it felt really nice. I'm always happy to meet artists and it makes me much much much happier when they like my work too.

Again, female tattoo artists are *__* I'm always in awe. 

Also, I really love my tattoo by her.

I really love how she designed it so that you can look at it vertically and horizontally. It looks better horizontally to me. The hands grabbing the girl's legs are my favorite part of the tattoo. I wanted some red thread kinda linking the girl and the "sleep paralysis demon", so that explains the red on this piece.

If anything, I feel more inspired. I've been drawing a lot more lately but it's mostly not up to my standard, I think my mind is kind of burnt out after drawing 5 designs in a go. But I won't stop. 

As usual, I  wanted to get two tattoos but I'm saving that for the future. (and also when I can think of something else). 

--------

Can't believe two months just flew by like that. Even though I was really productive, I also felt like I didn't do anything at the same time. I'm happy to be heading back to Tokyo tonight but at the same time, I'm so lazy to get on that plane.

I just have to tell myself I get to see the person I love and everyone I care about when I get back to Tokyo. I can't wait to go on tour too, but first, the show in Saitama on Tuesday has got me really excited. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my favorite band.

I guess I will be writing from Tokyo once again on the next post. 

x

339. a break a pause

I used up most of my time in May getting work done and sending my designs to the printers. Pretty pleased with how productive I can be when I really concentrate. So, now I am just waiting on my stuff to be made and arrive. It's nice to take a little break from drawing sometimes so now I am just doing that. I started painting again just to relax. I am almost sure I will start doing up designs again once I see my merch.

Lately, I have been really into more soothing sounds and I don't crave metal or heavy music that much. I like to think that it's because I am not angry anymore that's why I don't have the need to drown things out. Or maybe I am just getting older? But anyways, things have been really peaceful lately and I like it this way.  Once I get back to Tokyo next month, my "quiet chaos" of a schedule will begin again. 

I still have some writing to do for sanatoriium.com and make new listings of my new merchandise. I don't have stock right now so I am pushing it until next week to do all the online stuff. Since I have more time now, hopefully, I can update this blog on what I have been doing for the last couple of months. I have all these photos on my laptop and phone that I just want to dump somewhere to remind myself to explore new places.

More exciting things to come after the convention as well!

I can't wait to tour next month and August. I really can't. wait.

can't wait to see my love again.

338. i'm not dead yet

(source unknown)

3 months is probably the longest time that I have not updated this blog. The last few months has been a "quiet" chaos for me. Why I say "quiet" is because even though my schedule was pretty packed and I'm always running off to Nagoya whenever I have the chance to, it has been a peaceful kind of chaos if I even make sense.

It has been pretty hard for me to come to terms with myself because other than ending relationships early in the year, I have been fighting my own demons as well. I know I am not the best I can be but I'm still working on it and want to be a better person to the people I have in my life right now.

A few new exciting things are in the works. My schedule from now till October is already packed and I'm really looking forward to all of it. I'll be working hard for the next two months because I am setting up an exhibition booth in September at the Singapore Toy, Games and Comics Convention with fellow artist and friend, Sarah Thursday. I'm pretty excited and nervous at the same time. I'll be flying out to Hokkaido in July to celebrate my birthday with my favorite band in the world, in August I'll be touring around Japan again - Osaka, Nagoya, and probably a few more places. I'm also planning some photo shoots along the way. Still contemplating if I should go back to Australia in September for AFI because they only come to this part of the world once every 4 years.

Speaking of bands, one of my favorite bands, letlive. has decided to call it quits. I was really devasted when I found out from Jason's announcement on Instagram. Even though I have not been a fan of letlive. for a long time, they really did help me put back faith I once had in music. I'm so glad and relieved I decided to fly back home in January to see them twice. I was just in utter shock on the day I found out because it was so sudden. It is really difficult for me to love a band so much like that, so I'm really bummed out. I try to tell myself "Hey, at least you saw them before this happened." I was drawing out a lot of inspiration from them so, yes, I am pretty upset about them disbanding.

I don't know if I will continue writing on this blog because there are so many things in my life now that I will like to keep private. So maybe instead, I'll just be posting photos of my life with no captions and only write about things I'm obsessing about.

Lately, I just don't have the energy and time to write detailed blog entries anymore. To top it off, I have another blog on my website, sanatoriium.com  to work on as well. I refuse to let this blog die because I have so many memories here but let's just see how well I can keep up. Meanwhile, Copper Colored Quiet by letlive. has been on repeat a lot.

My world is on fire 
And I've got nowhere to watch it burn
No one to admire
How well I disappear

Don't call me a liar
We'll cross the bridges I meant to burn
You reek of desire
That's why there's no one here

There's no one here to watch me as I fall asleep
They assassinate the ones who dream
And if I got it all, I got it for you

337. achievement unlocked

It's the last day of February.

February was as busy as January for me, or maybe even more so. Before coming back to Tokyo, I was busy meeting friends, spending time with my family and doing some last minute orders for my label.

I'm still not done writing about January and it's already March tomorrow. I have some things planned out for March already and I'm pretty excited but I'm not excited about Spring approaching. At all. Last year, I had a really bad case of hay fever and I'm sure I'll be suffering again. I've already got my allergy medicine all stocked up at home, just in case.

I spent almost two weeks in Nagoya in February. I didn't intend to be there for such a long period of time and initially planned to spend my Valentine's Day in Tokyo but my love couldn't finish his work on time, so I made my way to Nagoya. I came back to Tokyo and went over almost immediately again because there was a death in his circle of friends and I just wanted to be there for him.

Even though I was really busy, I still managed to fit in some time to watch some films. It's my way of relaxing and taking my mind off things. I'll probably write about my new obsessions if I find the time ( I doubt so).

Achievement Unlocked!

I FINALLY OPENED MY WEBSITE AND ONLINE STORE.

http://sanatoriium.com

I was really stressed up towards the opening of my website and was lacking on sleep but I feel so accomplished that it's finally up and running. I just want to thank my friends who modelled for me and supported me all this time. I'll be blogging about my work and photoshoots there from now on and I plan to keep this blog personal, I still don't plan to give out this blog address but for everyone that has been reading, thank you.

I have new shirts printing right now and can't wait to go on photo shoots and meeting new people again. New designs and other plans are also on the way, I really plan to work hard on my label this year and hopefully find time to write more often.

329. reset

art and text by Ines J.

It's already the last day of January. Taking a break from writing about my December to writing my year's resolutions. Now that my mind is more clear, I can think straight again. Being away from Tokyo always allows me to see the bigger picture. 

January has been a very busy and productive month for me. Both in my personal life and work. From the breakup to going back home to watch my favourite band, to coming back to Singapore and working my ass off and finally, we're still in the midst of Chinese New Year - So the last couple of days has been really tiring for me. I literally have no time for anything else except for the occasional hangout sessions with little sister on Saturdays and late night phone calls with the new person in my life.

I think it's good that I'm keeping myself busy. Even though I do have someone I really care about, I am still having a hard time forgetting H. I really hate it when people bring him up, because it just opens up those wounds again. No one wants to be reminded of their ex, no one. I for one am the type who wants to be left alone when a breakup happens. I just don't feel like talking to people because I want time on my own to heal, to listen to music, to draw, to paint. I'll drop off the face of the earth for a month or two and come back when I'm ready. I wish people would just learn to leave me the fuck alone. 

On a not so angry note, here are my resolutions for 2017 :

1. Spend less time with people who don't help me grow

This may come off harsh, but I'm at the point of my life now that I just want to be surrounded with positivity and people who will help me grow personally and creatively.  I really want to concentrate on work and do something worthwhile in my life. I can't keep taking care of people. 

For the last couple of years, I have been taking care of everyone around me and I'm exhausted. Especially now when I've finally found something I want to pursue that needs most of my time and attention, I have no time to care about anything else. I don't want to waste time on things that don't matter. I'm actually really glad I have found someone who would take care of me.

2. sanatoriium

I want to put in my all to sanatoriium this year. Sometimes, I think my all is still not enough, I really want to give everything to sanatoriium until I burn out. Some new things are already on the way. 

3. Don't take anything/everything personally

I have learnt a lot about people in the last year. Not everyone is going to help you even though you have helped them. I would say I have been disappointed by people over and over again in my life but more so in 2016. I always try my best to help people but it always backfires or people just take it for granted. I have been in so many relationships that the other person keeps taking and I don't get anything in return. I don't expect anything in return either but I realise now that I am actually really exhausted from being too nice to people. 

I used to get hurt in the past but I've learned the hard way that it's easier to just let it go and move on. I don't have time to dwell on people who are not worth my time.

4. Have a normal sleep schedule

I have always had this problem. I really do enjoy the night, how quiet and peaceful it really is. I usually draw inspiration during the night too and it's where I get more work done but what I really don't enjoy is that my mind gets messed up and it's hard to meet anyone or go to places when my sleep schedule is so fucked up. Also - it's easier to fall into depression when you're nocturnal.

A miracle happened in December when my sleeping schedule completely changed for the better and I was up at 10 every morning making breakfast and leaving the house in the afternoon for tea. I finally got to go to places I've been wanting to check out for ages. I was not in a crappy mood when I met up with my friends. My mind just felt healthier. 

 Maybe I would still stay up on some nights but I want to keep it to the minimum.

5. Seoul for Tattoos

I still plan to get more tattoos this year but probably not as many as last year. I plan to go to Seoul in the later half of the year for my tattoos. 

6. Listen to even more music

After seeing letlive. earlier this month in Melbourne, it made me realise how much I actually miss going to shows that meant something to me. 

Living in Tokyo is fun because I get to see my favourite Japanese bands often but it also kills the excitement because I get to see them that often. Going to (insert band name) show really don't mean a thing to me anymore. Recently, I have been losing interest in my Japanese bands as well because I am really getting sick of the scene. Not going to elaborate why but knowing too much is never a good thing. 

I want to start listening to more international bands again and hopefully find the time and money to go back to Melbourne whenever there's a good tour ( Like Underoath, Alexisonfire that I sadly had to miss) or if bands I ACTUALLY like come to Asia. 

That sums up my resolutions for 2017. It's completely different from last year because it's more related to my work but I feel that the change is good. 

I only have a little over a week left in Singapore before heading back to Tokyo, so I'm going to try to finish up my blog posts. I am actually dying to post my Melbourne one because that trip was important to me and helped me grow in so many ways. I think I am going to be busy once I get back to Tokyo too. I have plans to be in Nagoya for a week or two in March. My parents are also visiting Tokyo that same month, I still have to plan out so many things before I leave again.

It's only the start of 2017 but I think this year is going to be a crazy one for me.

326. i know places

December 19th ~ 24th, 2016

After my tattoo appointment with Greem, I decided to spend some time on my own. I made my way to Harajuku and then walked to Aoyama because I was craving Cafe Kitsune's lattes. I used to like tea more (years ago) but because I spend too much time with little sis, I've become a coffee person.

I walked around Aoyama, window shopping is honestly one of the rare things that are free and makes me happy in life. BUT, I ended up buying some clothes and a (much needed) scarf. Also stumbled upon the Comme Des Garcons store and an art fair. Lucky!

There was an art fair going on in one of the buildings in Aoyama, I can't really remember the name of the building now but the fair was pretty huge. I finally found the artist that collaborated with Moomin almost 2 years ago. So, I bought a cute earring at the Fillyjonk limited pop-up store and couldn't be happier. I really like their rings too but it looked more like couple rings, maybe in the future.

There was a huge exhibition space,  from sculptures to paintings to installations. I spent quite some time there checking out the art and found some sculptures that I really like. After about what seems like forever, I finally went for dinner and made my way home.

I had some company for the next couple of days as someone I really care about came out to Tokyo. I finally was able to go to Chai Break, a cafe I always wanted to try in Kichijoji. Their french toasts are sooooo goooood and I don't even like french toast. Their menu is kind of pricey but I say it's worth it. They're best known for their chai, after having chai from here, I don't want chai anywhere else.

I had the Christmas special white chocolate chai and baked apple french toast.

I also managed to finally watch Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them that same night. Believe it or not, I have never been on a movie date, so it was nice to finally be able to.

I went to colour and cut my hair the next day. I was really craving for parfait, so I brought him to Silkream. I always bring people I like to Silkream. Even though he doesn't really have a sweet tooth, I'm glad he liked the cafe and parfait. Although he said it's really 女ぽい, he didn't mind at all because it made me happy. 

His name is 悪いことくん by Takashi Murakami.

I think I am going to keep grey hair for a long while. Lately, I just don't want colour in my life. Although I really did like my purple hair, I think that part of me already have died somewhere. The next day, the both of us decided to stay home. I was happy we did because that evening's sunset was so pretty, I was glad to share it with him. 

I've never seen the sky so pink. There were also fireworks that night, we watched them from my window.

Like I mentioned in my last post, December was quite chaotic for me. My emotions were going crazy because of so many things. I can't count the number of times I was so confused. I just feel so relieved now that everything has settled down. I think I'm much happier now. 

I remember talking to one of my friends that timing is everything. It really is.

323. twenty-seventeen

The last couple of weeks has been overwhelming.

And here we are, already in 2017. I plan to finish up my posts fo 2016 because there are so many things I still want to write about, I think I will take a while because I'm going to be busy again for the next couple of weeks. So now, I just want to reflect on 2016.

Reading back on my resolutions for 2016, I'm actually proud that I managed to accomplish them all.

Travel.
I managed to visit new places in Japan in 2016. I got to go to Hyogo, Fukuoka and Nara and also visit Osaka, Kyoto and Nagoya again. I wanted to visit a new country and was lucky to travel to Taiwan with my family at the beginning of the year. I definitely want to go to Taiwan again. I even got to go back home to Melbourne to celebrate my birthday.

Drawing/Art.
I pushed myself a lot this year to break out of my usual style. Even though I really love my girls, I just needed to do something different. I'm really happy with the outcome and even started my own clothing line. I plan to give my clothing line 100% in 2017. I do miss my girls a lot so I will draw them from time to time.

Tattoos.
I managed to get not one, not two not three but four new tattoos in 2016. I'm really happy with all of them and glad to have met the tattoo artists. Meeting artists always inspire me and give me an extra push I need.

Practice Japanese More.
Even though I am still not as fluent as I wish I am, I'm pretty satisfied with how much I have improved. I can hang out with friends now without having awkward silences because I can just have a normal conversation. Also, I'm so happy I can finally talk to friends who I couldn't in the past. *pats self on back*

Learn New Recipes.
I'm always cooking at home so it's natural for me to want to cook something different from time to time.  I can make spaghetti, chicken cream pasta, beef stroganoff and spinach pasta now. I can also cook kimchi stir fry beef which is actually my favourite when I get bored of Japanese food.

There were so many ups and downs for me in 2016.

I learned a lot about life and about myself.

I learned to not take everything so personally and to expect the unexpected.

Even though I have been really productive and my work is heading in the right direction, my personal life has taken a toll. I've felt it for months now that my relationship with H was going to end. Even if we still love each other, sometimes, love is just not enough. We want different things in a relationship, so we decided to go our separate ways. Even though we are not together anymore, one of my happiest memories is still with him.

At that moment, when he held my hand while I was watching my favourite band and to see him smiling back at me, made me realise how much he loved me and that love does exist. I have been jaded for so long, I didn't believe that I could feel that happy ever again. So, really, thank you. Even though, we can't be together anymore, just know that a part of me will always love you.

My relationship with H was one I thought I always wanted but we both have changed so much from when we first met that it was impossible to continue to be together. I guess that's just life. People change, feelings change. The only thing that is constant in life is change. And maybe that's what we both need right now.

Until recently, I learnt that I always underestimate myself. With work, with the way I look, everything. I guess it is good to know that I'm not an obnoxious over-confident bitch but I really shouldn't beat myself down too much. I have a bad habit of doing that. I thank my friends for always believing in me and remind me that I'm not as bad as I think I am.

I thank everyone who has stuck by me in 2016, truly.

I have no resolutions for 2017 honestly because my mind is still all over the place. And I think I actually intended to write more but my mind just... Maybe I would write a resolution list when I'm more settled down. All I know is that I want to work really hard this year and feel proud of myself. Till the next post...

320. the nites of avantgarde, lynch.

I have been dreading to write this post because so much has happened since this show. lynch. is on a hiatus now because something happened to one of the members and it makes me sad to think that this might be the last time I got to see them as a five member band. But let's save the sad stuff for later.

November 15th, 2016.

This was lynch.'s semi-final for THE NITES OF AVANTGARDE tour to promote their latest release. Like I already mentioned, I am not a big fan of this album but I won't miss their shows for no good reason. Their setlist today was pretty good, especially the encore. The encore was perfect actually, it was all my favorite headbanging songs.

They looked so happy on stage that day too. As usual, their MC went on forever because Hazuki is just too talkative. I like how he talked about the stupid pillar at Club Quattro. It really blocks the view of the stage. I could hardly see Yusuke throughout the show, I don't really care for Yusuke but it's nice to see the whole band right?

Today's setlist :

I was really happy they played INVINCIBLE. I thought they stopped playing it judging from the setlists from this tour. It's my absolute favorite song to see them play live because of how different it sounds from the record. Also, AK and Hazuki always look so happy playing this song since it's their favorite to play live. I always, always enjoy this song. 

I still remember how happy I was after this show because everyone's always so nice. I'll post videos from this show (stolen from Hazuki's instagram) because I forgot to save the live photos...

11.15 渋谷 CLUB QUATTRO BEAST

A video posted by lynch. 葉月 (@lynch_hazuki) on Nov 15, 2016 at 5:45am PST

11.15 渋谷 CLUB QUATTRO VANISH

A video posted by lynch. 葉月 (@lynch_hazuki) on Nov 15, 2016 at 5:47am PST

So, onto the sad stuff. It's been hard for me to accept that lynch. might not be a 5 member band anymore. Their future is pretty uncertain but I'm sure they will get through this. lynch. has been a big part of my life for the last couple of years, they are one of the reasons why I keep returning to Japan (because fuckers don't travel out). Going to their shows has always made me happy, even though I am always alone. They're the only band that can make me completely lose myself in their music . You will never see me singing or headbanging or dancing or swaying to any other band.

Their Fukuoka show I went to earlier this year is still my favorite memory. I still remember H holding my hand as I watched my favorite band kill it on stage. Also, I remember H being so shocked when I started headbanging to INVINCIBLE, but he headbanged along with me, haha. ( H is not a fan of lynch. by the way, he just knows I love them so fucking much.)

It's just too difficult to explain how something is so important to you. Music has always been a huge part of my life. So naturally, my favorite band will be too. lynch.'s music has just been by my side all this time, when I "broke up" with someone, when my mom was in the hospital, when I was feeling empty and also when I'm happy.

I have repeated countless of times but no matter what, I will always love this band. I hope that they will return as a 5 member band but even if they don't, I will still continue to support them.

I still remember seeing them for the first time 3 years ago. How happy I was, how complete I felt, how I lost myself in their music.

I hope to see them again, soon.

somewhere, someday,
I want for us to happen again...

319. two weeks

So much has happened in the last couple of weeks, my mind is in a mess right now. I have so many things I want to write about. Last week was crazy busy because I went to Osaka, Kyoto and Nagoya and met friends almost every day. It was also Yuri's birthday on Sunday, so she came over for the weekend.

I was really glad she decided to stay another night because we had so much to talk about. I'm going to visit her again this week, we already planned it some time ago that we'll go to a festival in Chichibu.

Also - I'm pretty sure all my friends know that my favourite band is lynch. Last week, they decided to go on a hiatus because something happened to one of the members. I'm still confused on what to feel about this because lynch. has been such a big part of my life for the last couple of years, it feels a little strange that I'm not going to see them or hear anything from them for a while. I'll write about their show at Shibuya Quattro on the next post and I really hope that that is not their last live with AK.

I've been lazy to blog honestly but there're so many things going on that I have to write it down.

313. happiness is...

So, I'm already back in Tokyo and it feels a little strange to be back in my own apartment but I'm sure I'll get used to it. I think I just haven't been away from Tokyo for such a long time for the last three years, so I feel this way. Last week was such an eventful week, I still somehow am thinking about it.

On Friday, I made my way down to Red Dot Museum and met up with artist Sarah Thursday. I have been following her on Instagram for a while now and I use her Hallows bag really often actually. I love seeing her progress on Instagram so it was really nice to finally meet her in person. We could get along straight away and it seems like we have more in common than I thought we would have. We ended up talking for a couple of hours and having dinner together.

Meeting creative people really makes me happy because it allows me to learn from them. It also inspires me to want to create more and work towards my dreams. We exchanged contact info and I'm pretty bummed I can't go to her exhibition because I think it's a cool concept to have it at a Cat Cafe, oh well. My sister will be going on my behalf.

We exchanged stickers too, haha. (The cat is by Hugo and I was lucky enough to get the last one!)

On Sunday was Mad's big day. I have never been to a  Malay wedding before and I think this will be the only chance I get to. So little sis and I made our way down to Serangoon to attend Mad's an Din's wedding. It was a culture shock for both of us and we didn't really know what to do, so we were awkwardly standing around for a good 15 minutes before deciding to get some food.

I haven't had (good) Malay food for a long time so I was really happy eating, my favorite was the dry mee siam and rendang! Also, it was my first time seeing both Mad and Din in traditional Malay clothes, so it was pretty entertaining. I finally saw her in the late afternoon and gave her a big hug. She looked so happy that day, it made me really happy for her as well. Though Din and I have had our differences, I know that he is a good guy and definitely takes care of Mad really well. So I'm happy for the both of them.

I met up with some of my art college friends and it was a tad awkward. I ended up just talking to Sam because Sam, Mad and I used to hang out a lot together. After we graduated, it was always just me and Mad. Sam totally went MIA, but at least I got to see her again.

Honestly, I've never seen all of us so happy in one photo. I used to have depression back in college so I'm always not this happy in all our old photos. I'm just really happy for Mad!

We went home straight after their wedding because I had a flight to catch that night back to Tokyo.

I am now writing from my Tachikawa apartment and I actually can't believe I'm meeting Mad and Din tomorrow to bring them around. I think I have been talking to Mad about Japan for the last five years, so I can't wait to see both of them actually in Japan. 

Being back in Singapore for the last couple of months was really worthwhile. I don't hate it as much as I used to but I still don't see myself living there in the future. I have new projects on the way and I'm so happy with everyone's positive response. I hope my new project really takes off and by then, I think I will be really at peace with myself.

The last couple of months have done me a lot of good and searching for my own voice and I think I have finally found it. I thank everyone who has been so supportive and believing in me, I will work very hard to make everyone proud. Till then...

312. cute without the e

This is the start of my new project, I have been trying to get just the right design and drawing this design over and over again to make sure it'll look good on shirts and I'm really happy with the outcome. This shirt is called Cute without the E and yes, it is named after the Taking Back Sunday song.

Initially, I wanted to name it just cut but I have been talking to little sis about the idea of this new venture and it's safe to say she knows me best. I will not get too much into what this project  just yet, but I'm excited for this. I will have a lot of things to do and people to meet when I am back in Tokyo. 

I've never felt more alive.

Also - thanks to my baby sis for modeling for me. (Most supportive person ever, haha)

309. over being under, melbourne

Heaps of entries have been piling up since my last update, I have a ton of things to write about but I'm just too pre-occupied with drawing and planning out some projects. I have been going around Singapore to check out prices to make prints and some merchandise. I hope to see these projects fall through before I return to Tokyo.

As I already have mentioned, I was in Melbourne to celebrate my birthday last month. I didn't do anything special but just went around Melbz for some good food, coffee, relax and unwind. I didn't bother taking much photos either. Melbourne has changed a lot over the last two years and I love it even more now because things are way more convenient. Also, there's an ACNE, COS and so many more clothes catering to my style newly opened.

I think a couple of new malls, many many food outlets have sprung up. The CBD is so busy at night now, it's nice to be out and about. I obviously dropped by my favorite gallery in Melbourne, it's so convenient since it's in the CBD. The exhibition going on last month was Xenoplasm, mostly paintings, drawings and sculptures of monsters.

I thought these guys looked like evil broccoli. 

The exhibition was not really my style but I still enjoyed it. Little sis and I went to too many new coffee places, so I can't remember the names anymore. Nothing beats coffee in Melbourne. We also had some time to go to church, and walk to Fitzroy. There's a lot of new craft stores, cafes and clothing boutiques in Fitzroy now and we spent two afternoons exploring the entire place. Really convenient because it's about a 20 minute walk from the CBD. 

There was also a light festival going on in Fitzroy on the week I was there but unfortunately, it rained on the night we were there and didn't have time to check it out again, these are the only photos I took while we rushed to get on the tram back to our apartment.

Being back in Melbourne was a much needed break from busy Tokyo. I felt much better after being home for a while. I really want to go back to Melbourne in January again for some shows (alexisonfire, letlive., Refused and Everytime I Die)  but we'll see how that goes. 

I've also fallen in love with a hidden book store in Melbourne. I bought a Norwegian folktale book there and can't be any happier. I really love Scandinavian folklore. The building Metropolis bookstore is hidden in has so many gems. The owner of the bookstore was really nice as well, unfortunately no photos are allowed in the store. So click on the link above to check it! Definitely my new favorite place in Melbourne.

This trip back home was a really good one since I got a new tattoo, satisfied my cravings for all of Melbourne's good food and coffee, got to explore new places and just let my mind take a break for a little bit. Now, I'm back with my family in Singapore and surprisingly, it has been good to me so far (minus my non-existent social life here). I have been really productive and haven't feel this good about myself in a long long long time. 

I hope to come back to Tokyo once I'm done with all these projects and I might be coming back later than expected. Of course, the boyfriend has been nagging at me to get back sooner but I really need to do things for myself. Even if that means skipping some shows by my favorite bands, so be it. I'll definitely be back in Tokyo by Autumn. Right now, I just want to concentrate on things here and have no distractions.

307. scissor hand, melbourne

I was back in Melbourne with little sis for my birthday, we didn't spend too long there but I managed to squeeze in a tattoo appointment. Initially, I emailed Heretic Tattoo to book an appointment to have a tattoo done by Annita because I have been following her work for years now, but she's fully booked till August.

I just visited the studio for fun since I was around the area, and talked to the manager of the studio. He introduced me to Lilli's work because it's similar to Annita's. I was looking at her work and her scissors actually caught my eye. So, I decided to get a pair done by her.

I was lucky enough to get my tattoo done the next day. Heretic Studio has a really chill vibe and with the brake walls and gothic furniture, I would say the style is right up my alley.

I didn't really take that many photos or of Lilli doing my tattoo because I was lying on my stomach to get my tattoo done. The placement of my scissors requires me to be in a kinda weird position. It took about just an hour to get my tattoo done and my hand was cramped up by the end of the session but I was really happy with the outcome! 

I asked Lilli to change the handle of the scissors from her original drawing to look like the scissors I have hanging on my apartment wall in Tokyo. I really like the little hearts she added into the scissors as well. The beads are her original design and that was the main thing that caught my attention. 

People are probably going to ask "What is the meaning of this tattoo?" You know, sometimes, I feel like people have no right to know and sometimes, maybe simply there isn't a meaning but I just enjoy the work of the artist? But there is a meaning and I don't feel like sharing it with anyone just yet, it's not that personal but somethings I just want to keep to myself.

This was a birthday present to myself and I would say it's probably the best present I have given myself so far. I'll be writing more about being home in Melbourne on the next post. This tattoo deserves a post on its own.

305. winter in july

If feels like forever since I last wrote here, it's not too long ago but not having a laptop for the last couple of weeks was really painful. My laptop decided to die on me about a week before I was leaving Japan, so I think I have not been able to be online properly for about 3 weeks now. Feels nice to be on a computer again, I have yet to get a new laptop but I will, soon.

Well, July has been pretty busy for me. I met up with a lot of friends before taking a break from Tokyo for a month. Managed to go to the Ghibli Exhibition in Roppongi at Mori Art Museum as well, which was surprisingly not crowded at all. I will write about that soon, since I have so much time on my hands now.

I went back home on my birthday, literally, my flight was at 1am. This trip back home in Melbourne is really nice, the weather's nice (it's winter now), I go to bed early so I can get up for brunch (brunch in Australia is incredible by the way), got a new tattoo, got scolded by a nun in church, visited my favorite galleries and of course, because Melbourne is the coffee capital, had too much coffee but somehow still managed to fall asleep quite easily.

I'm just taking my time off busy life in Tokyo and concentrating on creating new things. I feel all inspired now after getting my tattoo. I miss H already, but it's just for a month. I'll survive. Will be updating now from now on, yay!

304. note to self

280. in with the old & new

Little sis just left Tokyo this afternoon and I can feel the loneliness creeping in already, I gave myself some time to get used to being on my own again and by tomorrow, I'll be right back to studying. I have final term exams coming up again. Before I forget everything, I thought I should write about our adventures as soon as possible.

The first week she was here (it already feels so long ago), we didn't do anything much but go to cafes we love and I brought her to some places I have found on my own. It was really nice introducing her to my friends as well.

March 2nd, Wednesday :

Every time my mom or my sister visits, we never fail to get Totoro creampuffs! We had to sit outside in the balcony area this time because it was fully booked. Thankfully, the weather was really nice that day, we didn't mind sitting outside. We had the usual, mentaiko pasta ( The pasta here is still my favorite in Tokyo) and Totoro creampuffs for dessert! Little sis and I shared the strawberry and banana caramel creampuffs. The strawberry creampuffs here are legendary to me because I don't like strawberries, this is the only strawberry flavored thing that I will happily eat. 

After lunch, we went to Frankie Melbourne Expresso just a few minutes walk away in Shimokita. I miss  Melbourne so much and the mocha here hits the spot. I couldn't really enjoy my mocha because I had to rush off to class, so I drank it in less than10 minutes while little sis stayed there and talked to the staff. This place makes me miss Melbourne a little less.

I met up with little sis again right away after class and we went to Nakano Broadway. I've been wanting to show her Nakano Broadway since it is one of my favorite spots in Tokyo because of all the vintage toys and cool stores. We went around, little sis did some shopping and she managed to find some merch from her favorite childhood anime, Ranma 1/2. (I'm always playing Ranma gachapon because of her) We stopped by Bar Zingaro to get some coffee but she didn't like it. At least there was this cool collaboration piece by Katsuya Terada and Kim Jung Gi to stare at! We didn't do much but went straight home after that.

March 3rd, Thursday:

After class, we met up in Hamamatsucho to get pizza at Devilcraft! Little sis wanted a break from Japanese food, so it was a good idea to come here. We got Hell's House Tortilla chips, Devil Works pizza and fries. Hamamtsucho still holds a special place in both our hearts. 

We were so stuffed after dinner, we walked to Roppongi. Little sis wanted to check out Murakami's exhibition but the line was so long, we decided to skip it. We went to the merch store instead and I finally got a new phone cover after a year! This time it's Yoshitomo Nara. 

Little sis really wanted cinnabons, so we went to get some before heading home. I got the Classic Cinnabon and little sis got the Caramel Peacanbon (which is much better than the classic in my opinion) and the special Nutellabon. We both agreed that the peacan one was the best. We didn't stay out too late because I had to get up early the next morning.

March 4th, Friday:

I had to get up early because there was a school field trip to a farm in Chiba. I usually skip school field trips because they don't interest me and makes me feel as if my school is treating us like children on purpose. I forced myself to go because my attendance rate is really low and  I knew I was gonna be skipping a few days of school the following week to go to Osaka with little sis.

It took 2 hours by bus to get to the farm and we had barbeque lamb for lunch. The farm was pretty huge and the view was pretty nice, I would say. 

There was a petting zoo with sheep, ducks, capybaras, rabbits, tortoises and some lambs. I wanted to see alpacas but there were none. ):

I still have no idea what animal this is?

There were several games at the farm as well, like bungee jumping, go-karts and a maze. I didn't bother playing any of those. We wanted to go strawberry picking but the area was closed. We spent a couple of hours just aimlessly walking around, I got soft serve and at about 2pm, we left back for Tokyo.

I met up with little sis at the Pokemon Centre in Ikebukuro and we had udon for dinner. There was nothing much to do in Ikebukuro, so we just went to the arcade and played a 4D zombie game because I miss playing Resident Evil with my sister. In the end, we spent 2500yen on just one game. It was fun but I think we went a little overboard. 

We didn't do anything much but walked around and decided to go home. The first few days were nothing but ordinary, little sis and  I just did our usual routines when she was in Tokyo for two months in 2014. It was nostalgic, honestly. I really miss that period of time because I know I can't get it back. Both of us lead our own lives now but we still try to have as much fun as possible whenever we are together. 

It was fun showing her new places and introducing her to people. I get reminded of how our lives have changed but she's still my favorite person in the world.