Some of these friendships I really treasure and miss those who are not in Japan anymore.
This is my round up post of 2015 but when I think about it, there was nothing outstanding that happened this year. My favorite shows this year was probably Bloodaxe Osaka, In Hearts Wake and lynch.'s Yokohama show. Too many albums were released this year and I didn't bother listening to most of it.
I spent a lot of time going to exhibitions and I'm really happy about that because it let me re-see and rethink about my style of drawing. Sadly, my art has been lacking and I mean, LACKING a lot this year. I was only able to finish 1 painting. I will work harder next year and already am working on some new things right now.
I think this year has been the hardest for me in recent years. After mom was admitted to the hospital in July, everything changed. Those two weeks of going to the hospital every day and dealing with mom and all my relatives was very, very difficult. It was emotionally, mentally and physically draining. On some days, it was exceptionally difficult because mom would have hallucinations and started talking about all sorts of things that don't even exist which really scared me. I thought I was going to lose her. Until today when I think back to that period of time, I can't help but to cry. I was hugging her on the day I had to fly back to Tokyo and was just weeping on her. I really didn't want to leave her. I remember crying on most of my flight back to Tokyo. I try my hardest not to think about that period of time.
I've definitely grown up a lot from that and both little sis and I agreed that our thinking and mindset has changed a lot since then. It suddenly dawned on us that we are adults. We learn to cherish and appreciate more in life. I think most people don't know what it's like until something like that happens. You'll definitely have a different perspective in life. I remember after that, coming back to Tokyo and listening to all my friends' problems or even hearing myself complain about anything seemed so petty. My priorities in life changed. Love problems or getting cool points for knowing this person or that person seems really childish now.
2015 was also the year that I didn't celebrate anything. Even though I was back in Singapore and with my family, I didn't celebrate my birthday or even little sis's birthday. I arrived back in Singapore exactly on her birthday and she told me she would have been happy about it but because mom was in the hospital, why would you want to celebrate it?
Like I already mentioned in the previous post, I'm not really in a festive mood either. My Christmas was nice, quiet and peaceful with H though, he surprised me with a Christmas cake at exactly 12 midnight with a sparkler candle and said that I should make a wish because I didn't get to celebrate my birthday this year. We didn't do much but watched a movie, cuddled and sleep. I'm really glad he listened to me when I said I don't want to celebrate it. It's the same for New Year's I don't feel like going to a countdown or drinking till it's midnight. It'll be nicer if I could just stay in and watch a movie again. Alone or with H, I don't really mind.
Things seem to be picking up lately and I hope it stays that way. I don't think I can handle another emotional meltdown in such a short period of time since I just recovered from it. Talking about that, I also learnt that it's better to face your problems than to run away from them. I feel much better now after dealing with it though it was an emotional meltdown for the first couple of days, now I feel much happier.
More than anything this year, I'm actually the happiest when I'm on my own. I just needed a lot of alone time this year to recover and heal from all the things that have happened.
2016 looks much brighter already and I really can't wait for it to be here. Just two more days.
Here, I leave you with my favorite song of the year :
surprise, it's not lynch. haha.
No comments:
Post a Comment